The Third Month & The Third Hour.

The word, elemental, was a good choice for the word of the month. Elemental has a number of meanings that we can look to, but the specific meaning that I felt most appropriate was: “starkly simple, primitive, or basic.” I had made my word-of-the-month choice early on, assuming that I would be broken down again on this journey forward. And this past month honestly felt like I was broken down into constituent parts to build myself back up from the basic layout that was me.

But another word that could have been used for the word of the month could have been emotional. I was “subject to or easily affected by emotion” all throughout the last thirty-one days as I continued forward on this journey of mine.

I assumed that this month wouldn’t set the tone for the rest of the year, just like the last two. This month is a long one, longer than the quickly passing second one or the liminality of the first, but I assumed that nothing about this month would linger. Maybe in another month, another thirty days, we’d see what the rest of the year would look like. But March appears to be when the road map starts to take a little more shape, a little more appearance than the last two months combined.

After being broken down into your emotional pieces, being split apart and fitted back together like a puzzle, it’s easy to come to the conclusion that you know what’s ahead. You feel like you have a level of control you didn’t before, a level of certainty that you didn’t before.

But no matter how many times you look forward with your divination and your emotions finally centered, you never truly know. You can only catch little glimpses. The map has shape and outline, but the specifics are still missing.

 

The Third Month

I had no idea what to expect for the month of March. I had gone into the previous month with a general idea, but nothing specific ever came to me for March. I even pulled cards to try to see something about what was coming, but it gave me only very vague ideas. I felt stumped and a little blind; couldn’t someone give me a little peek about the month ahead?

The first major event of the month was a Positive and a Negative: we finally hired new people to train up and help take some of the edge off on our work load. I was tickled pink because, so long as the person I am training in what I took over after we fired two people in January, this means I can move back into the position I had taken up in November of last year. The other reason I was so thrilled was because new work keeps coming in, but with the same old faces to take it on, we were all feeling the pinch.

While hiring new people is in fact a good thing, it’s also a bad thing. It means that I spend more time focusing on what the new person is doing and capable of taking on. It also means that I have to stop what I am doing so that I can make sure that they are doing things within our standard protocols. So, work has been stressful as I take on back-to-back-to-back calls and meetings to ensure that my primary resource will be able to take on the work I’m training her for and also ensuring that someone who will only slightly be touching things I oversee is capable of taking that on as well.

Some nights, after a long day of training and my own work, I would sit at my desk for a half hour or more to catch up on things that I couldn’t deal with during the business day. I can’t remember the last time I actually made it home from work on time: I never leave at 5 anymore. Most of the other leads are feeling the same way as me and are also stuck in the office afterhours. I keep telling myself that this is just for a little bit longer, but we’ll see if that’s true.

On the heels of the good news, and the actual negative thing related to the above, we lost one of our supervisors. It’s a good thing for her to move on, but the game plan the boss came up with to fill in her role is a nightmare. The supervisor who took over my position last year so I could move into my new position is basically doing exactly what I was doing six months ago. She keeps forgetting that I know exactly what she’s going through, but I won’t remind her until she snaps at me again.

We all keep telling ourselves that good things are coming: new business, new employees, new directions. It still feels like we’re all being flattened under the weight of it all though.

The other good thing this month was that I got married! I am lucky that I didn’t have to actually like plan the wedding itself or the small reception that took place afterward. My SO’s mother, who had talked us into more than just walking into the courthouse, took care of all of that. It was very low-key and very nice. I’m glad it is finally over though. Weddings – even small ones like ours – are expensive and time-consuming.

Even with the things that I needed to see through with the SO, I was more excited than stressed out about it. I tend to be the opposite: stress about it all first and then get excited just before the new thing happens. It was weird having the complete opposite reaction to all of this.

The last thing that came about this month is that I started focusing on the advice I was given last month about Nephthys. The problem is that I knew very little about her. After researching her a bit, I realized that I still didn’t know a whole lot about her. The source material for her is very small and this seems to relate to the fact that she tends to be tied up alongside her sister, Aset.

I began coming up with a ton of ideas to do what I was advised to do. I would throw them around my head just to see where the thoughts would end up. Eventually, I mulled enough on it to come up with an idea that I think would work. When TTR and I kind of discussed it once I felt like I knew what I was trying to do, they seemed to agree that this could work out.

I have to put it into practice now, so we’ll see how well this turns out eventually.

All in all, this month felt like a roller coaster ride with no way off. A lot of the roller coaster stuff was work related, but not all of it. No matter how many times I wanted to stop what I was doing, thinking, or feeling to give me a few minutes to myself, I couldn’t. I was constantly on the go. I had to complete a number of items on my checklist for my wedding at the end of the month and so did the SO. I needed to get things lined up at work for new hires to be trained properly. Every day was a long day and in the middle of all of this, my emotions kept see-sawing back and forth.

March was an emotional month. I would find myself snapping at people for no reason; they didn’t upset me or annoy me or make me feel as tired as I felt. It wasn’t their fault and sometimes when I followed the threads of those emotions, I couldn’t quite figure out where all of it was coming from. Was it really just stress and frustration? Was it something more? Was it just because I had been going a hundred miles an hour and needed to take a fucking minute without being able to do so?

But it was still emotional. I found myself breaking down sometimes in a crying jag, overwhelmed with my emotions. Most of the times I broke down, I was in the car and there was no one around to ask me what was wrong. I couldn’t have explained it all if I wanted to. I wouldn’t have wanted to anyway.

I got through it all. After the wedding and the third week of training, I was able to say that I was feeling a lot more stable. The ups and downs of the roller coaster ride were either easier to get through or they weren’t as high anymore. I may even be able to get off of the damn thing some time next month!

 

The Third Hour

The third hour is about the deceased declaring that, after passing through a gateway of fire and pain, they have become one of the Shining Ones, or Akh. The part that was conspicuously missing was that in order to become transfigured into one of the Shining Ones, not only do you have to work on getting your body in line to wake up from its inert state, you also have to force your emotions to wake up as well.

The body isn’t the only part that requires movement forward; the pieces of one’s soul also have to move forward so that all pieces can be codified back into a single unit before one can declare that they have become one of the akh. To me, the pieces of the soul relate more to one’s emotions than to the body. The body houses all of these pieces of the soul in some form or another, but one’s emotions are also tied to those pieces. And you can’t move ahead until you’re all right in the head.

It often felt like my emotions were being broken down into their component or elemental pieces to force an integration together. I had major ups and downs as my emotional being passed through the fire and pain of the gateway and moved every forward until the parts of my emotional self could integrate back into who I was.

It hurt; all of it hurt. I could feel parts of myself breaking off and trying to run away from it all while the rest of my reached out for those pieces to bring them back to bear. The emotional roller coaster that was happening in real life followed me into my dreams. I couldn’t escape it.

And the lesson I learned last month about taking a step and then stopping to allow the re-integration of the self was difficult to put into practice when I felt a little like I was all over the place, trying to snatch back pieces of myself that wanted to flee. But after all of the constancy of being on-the-go in March, I finally was able to get to the point where I could at least declare that I had been transfigured. It just took longer than I expected.

 

Conclusion

The third hour is more like a footnote in My Heart, My Mother. There is little to give the hour substance in the book beyond the words that the Pharaoh would say after passing through the gateway:

O Bull of the Two Lands… I am divine, I am an Akh, I am powerful and I am seated on the throne of Atum… make a place for me amongst you so that I may sail with Re in the Duat.

I thought that this hour would be easy. It’s about passing through the elemental fire of the gateway and declaring oneself as having been transfigured after passing through the second hour. I was wrong. It didn’t occur to me that the inertia of the second hour was from a physical standpoint; in order to truly become transfigured, one’s emotional well-being needs to be taken into account as well.

This, more than anything, explains why Roberts mentions that there are still being in various phases of transformation in the third hour as well. This never made much sense to me, but now it does. You can’t move forward just because your body is whole; you have to make sure the entirety of your being is whole too.

 

Further Reading

One thought on “The Third Month & The Third Hour.

  1. Pingback: Year of Rites: March | The Twisted Rope

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