This is an astral post, so if you are not interested in such things, you do not have to read.

Sekhmet led me toward the main forecourt where we would greet her guests. As we walked, I whined at her about how I didn’t want to greet anyone, but I wanted to continue to explore. She flicked me a very irritated glance. “You are hardly dressed for exploring and I was able to find every room you’ve ever been in today. I think you’ve done enough exploring.” Pouting as we walked back to the main entrance of her palace, I slumped my shoulders and did my very best to look as put upon as possible. After a few moments of silence, she asked, “What did you think of the pool?”

“Um,” I responded. How did I answer that? I was not even remotely a sexual being in any instance, which seemed irritate her. She said I should be all about it, being her daughter. She also reminded me that I had been enjoying sex for as long as I had been able to have sex (in previous lives), so what the hell? That’s usually how the arguments went but it just didn’t interest me. The thought of her cavorting with ten or twenty different lovers all at once flicked into my head and I was slightly nauseated. “Um,” I said again, mostly to try to clear the bile in my throat.

She laughed at my response. “I think it’s quite a lovely place.”

We wandered around the maze of her home until we finally came to the forecourt. I was already exhausted by the time we arrived and guests hadn’t even begun to show up. She turned to me, eyeballing my get up critically. She was, per usual, gorgeous and flawless. I felt like I was wrinkling the linen (which I was) and as though I needed a nap (which I did). She smoothed out the wrinkles in my dress ruthlessly and then straightened the beaded collar her servants had put around my neck. She fussed at my clothes for a few more minutes before nodding to herself.

“I need you to stand up straight, for once, and not slouch.”

“Yes, moth-er,” I snapped.

“I need you to remember that you are here to observe and nothing else,” she reminded me. “You will not explore. You will not engage. You will merely sit and watch.”

“Yes, moth-er,” I snarked. At least I finally have confirmation that I am a decorative piece, I thought moodily. It was one thing to just assume that I was to be seen and not heard, like a child. It was quite another to finally have it confirmed. I stared moodily down at Sekhmet’s collar, trying not to feel hurt and trying not to say anything dumb.

“I also need you to stop acting like a petulant child,” she snapped. “I realize that things are moving forward and you are very confused, very uncertain, and very tired of me keeping secrets from you. However, all of this is for your own good. For our own good. So, please do not embarrass me. Do not speak unless spoken to. Do not embarrass me.”

“Yes, moth-er,” I pouted.

“You are unteachable,” she muttered and turned to the pylon mounted entrance.

I waited under the beating sun, hoping that I could sneak away without her noticing me. I knew I was behaving like a child, but I was tired already. I had met her Seven Arrows and the whole experience had been a whirlwind of emotion. I had found her sex palace and that had also been a whirlwind of emotions. I felt as though I could be forgive for acting like a spoiled brat, considering all the things I was not knowing and all the things I had found in such a short period of time. Also, it’s not as though her party really impacted me at all, so what the fuck?

I stepped slightly behind Sekhmet as she moved forward ever so slightly, her ears pricked intently toward the entrance. The first visitor showed up and of course, it was a face I recognized.

He was dark-skinned and bald-headed. His eyes were dark and predatory. As they lit upon me, they brightened in recognition, but that was the only indication that he knew me. He wore a thin white linen skirt with a golden girdle. He also wore gold sandals and a golden pectoral collar. His gaze swept the forecourt appraisingly for a moment. Re stepped forward and embraced his daughter, a host of attendants or people or hangers on coming in behind him.

As I was bid, I quietly watched the procession.

It was a who’s who.

In no particular order, I saw Ma’at arrive with her entourage on the heels of Djehuti. He eyeballed me in a way that made me feel like I was on the menu and walked away. Mut showed up on the arm of Amun with their child, Khonsu. They all gave me a significant look and then walked away as well. Heru-sa-Aset winked at me as he said hello to Sekhmet. On his arm was a very pretty young lady who I felt meant nothing to him. His uncle, Heru-Wr, gave me a courtly bow but he was the only one to truly acknowledge my presence. I wanted to hang out with Heru-Wr as he walked into the forecourt to meet and greet.

Sutekh arrived in typical fashion, looking as though he owned the place and was also unwelcome. He greeted Sekhmet voluminously and outrageously, kissing her cheeks and remarking on what lovely décor she had. He eyed me as he said it and I wanted to punch him in the face. As if he knew how I felt, he laughed and laughed, as though he had made a great joke, before going on to mingle. I wondered how awkward it was for him with his brother and nephew around, but when I looked, it didn’t seem like things were so awkward now.

Wesir arrived with Aset, the two of them looking as in love as ever. They were followed by their sister, Nebthet, tiptoeing behind them. Ptah and Nefertum arrived together. Nefertum watched me as Ptah greeted Sekhmet familiarly and warmly. They chattered at one another for a few minutes as Nefertum eyeballed me. I felt like he was trying to catch my measure and I wanted to catch his as well. I didn’t know anything about his relationship with my mother or with her consort, but he seemed okay from the little bits I knew of him. After a few moments, he gave me a slight nod and then turned to greet Sekhmet.

Some of the gods who arrived, I didn’t know on sight. I thought there was Seshat and had to look at what was on her head to be sure. (I was right.) I saw someone who may have been the mysterious Babi that Djehuti had screwed over once, but wasn’t entirely sure. I couldn’t ask Sekhmet since I was clearly there as an ornament. I decided I would ask her later. Some of the lesser deities arrived, too, from the nomarchs in ancient Egypt. I was pretty sure I saw Hapi and Sobek. I’m almost positive I saw Khnum and Sokar. There may have also been a few others, unknown names, and quite a few netjeri from the Duat. I only recognized a few because, you know, a being with a knife-head is kind of hard to miss.

The final member of the group to arrive was none other than Hetheru. I felt my heart lighten as her beauty impacted the entire room. There was nothing but silence upon her entry and I felt enamored with her, as I was sure everyone else in the room was. She was gorgeous. She was perfect. Around her danced a few little dwarves, waving around banners and generally being merry and joyful.

Hetheru was wearing a thin linen sheath that came to her mid-thigh. She wore a dress of finely woven beads and netting over it that came down to her golden feet. She tinkled whenever she moved and I was in awe of her grace and stature. I could never wear that, I thought to myself. As she came in to greet her sister-self, her eyes passed over me. And there was no reaction.

I waited for her to turn to me. I waited for her to say something to me. I waited for her to acknowledge me in some form. This was the other goddess. This was the other main mover and shaker in my life. This was the one who had taught me about all the different kinds of love. This was the goddess who explained to me about why orgasms were a good thing. This was the goddess who had held my hand when I thought my IRL counterpart was leaving me. This was the goddess who would pillow my head upon her breast and make me feel relaxed and complete for a while. This was the other goddess who meant more to me than life itself.

This was the one who made me heart squeeze and made my eyes fill with tears at the sheer majestic beauty of her.

She didn’t so much as look at me.

I felt as if I had been forgotten. I felt as though I was nothing and nobody. I felt shame and horror at what I had become. I didn’t even know what I had become. I honestly didn’t. At that moment, I thought I was some monstrosity that everyone and everything should ignore and hate upon. I was Sekhmet’s now, I realized, and maybe that was the point. I wasn’t there for Hetheru. I wasn’t there for Aset or Djehuti or Khonsu or Sutekh or Heru-Wr or any of the other gods I had passing relationships with or solid relationships with. It hadn’t even hurt this much when Mut, my mawat, had ignored me. It killed me as Hetheru swept right on by.

I wasn’t hers.

I wasn’t theirs.

I was Sekhmet’s.

I was her toy, her thing.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run up to Hetheru and grab her by the face and say, “I’m right here! Don’t you remember? Don’t you remember who I am and what you helped to make me? This isn’t just my fault – it’s yours, too! It’s everyone’s fault and you all knew and I hate every fucking one of you!” I didn’t, of course. That probably would have embarrassed Sekhmet.

I sucked back my tears. I was wearing makeup and crying would have embarrassed her, too. I was a strong, lean, mean machine and I had to fucking act the part. I looked down at my feet and then looked at Sekhmet from the corner of my eye. She gave me a silent signal and I was able to walk away from the main entrance. I was able to wander amid the shadows. I was able to hide my pain deep within me and wander among the guests, not listening to a damn thing they said to each other. It didn’t matter what they said to each other. The screaming in the pit of my stomach was all I could hear anyway.

I observed as I had been ordered to do. I watched the conversations, most of them polite anyway, happen amid her guests. The netjeri that I could recognize from the Duat, the ones that spells were spoken against, didn’t mingle. They just stood around and were very intimidating-looking. I figured that was their whole point. Maybe it really wasn’t the spells that people said over the souls of the deceased that kept them at bay, but that they really couldn’t do much but stand around like majestically weird-looking jerkoffs.

I was feeling kind of bitter.

I watched as Nefertum chatted with Khonsu. Out of all of them, they looked the youngest and probably had the most in common. Nefertum was an eternal child and sometimes, so was Khonsu. They both wore the side lock of youth, anyway, and they kind of resembled one another. Nefertum wore blue lotus blossoms, I noticed, in his side lock with the huge crown thing that he was often shown wearing. Khonsu wore the moon headdress he was most well known for. Both of their fancy hats looked so damn uncomfortable to me.

I watched as Djehuti chatted with Ma’at and Seshat. I was kind of fuzzy on who was whose consort here. I was pretty sure I had seen Ma’at and Djehuti, once or twice, in an overly friendly embrace. But I was pretty sure Seshat was his accepted consort, historically. As I watched, Djehuti flirted with one and then the other. I wondered if he was a bigamist. I also wondered, stupidly, why the fuck I cared.

Sutekh zoomed around like a kid hopped up on amphetamines. He bounced from conversation to conversation, caroming in like he owned the world and then zooming right back out again. He stopped to chat with his brother, the one the myths are about, and I got to see him (finally) interact with Wesir. The two seemed okay. I wondered, stupidly, if Wesir was speaking in wingdings and grinned at the thought. Above his head, I pictured wingdings in word bubbles, but as quickly as it amused, the amusement died. Sutekh bounced off of his brother and chatted it up with his nephew – no weirdness there, I saw.

Nebthet was also watching from the shadows, like me, but on the other side of the room. She seemed to be an observer just as much as I was. As I watched, Sutekh narrowed in on her, changing course from Re over to his consort. The two greeted each other politely and then embraced in the shadows. I looked away because I didn’t want to see how that ended up. I didn’t think they hated each other. And I didn’t think things were weird between them but I had no illusions that Sutekh would keep their embrace G rated.

As I watched the event, I saw that everyone seemed, well, normal. It was like a family get-together at my IRL partner’s house with his family or something. Conversations were being had. Feasting was going on. (My grapes were a big hit, thank you very much.) The dwarves that Hetheru brought with her were making the gods laugh. As I focused on the dwarves, my aching heart swelled for a moment and I quickly found her in the crowd.

She was with Re now. And they were discussing something happy and gay. I could see the joy on Re’s face at just being with her. And I could see how it was she, and she alone, who made him go back to deciding the fate of the kingship of Sutekh and Heru-sa-Aset. In that moment, I kind of hated her. I hated them all in that moment and I wanted nothing more than to escape.

So, of course, that’s when Djehuti came up to me. I stared up at him from beneath my eyelashes, waiting for him to say something. “You’ve been ignoring me,” he complained. There was no accusation. There was no inflection, really. It was a statement of fact. Yes, I had been ignoring him.

“I had been,” I agreed. I was breaking the rules – I was talking with a god. Uh to the oh. I fiddled with the pendant around my neck. “And then I felt badly for it and I stopped and you weren’t around.”

“That was your own fault.”

I felt frustrated and angry again. It wasn’t my own damn fault. I knew whose fault it was and certainly wasn’t mine. “Maybe she feels like you are beneath me,” I snapped.

Djehuti offered me a brief grin. He had always seemed to enjoy it when I snarked back at him. The two of us, together, we made a pair of snark the likes of which the world had never seen. Of course, that was probably just a myth in my own mindscape. Whatever. “I think that you are in over your head.”

“I agree.”

“It may be time for you to move on.”

I glowered up at him and then sent my hot gaze in Hetheru’s direction. I was so, so angry and hurt and a complete mess. I did not have that ability to hide my emotions. “Maybe all of you should stop being so frightened and do whatever the fuck you want instead of pandering to her.”

Djehuti looked thoughtful. “That would take a lot,” he said finally. “And honestly, it’s not worth it. Her claim on you has always been there. You only just realized it. Things could have gone differently, you know, if you hadn’t…” He trailed off, waiting to see if I knew when the moment had changed.

“You mean when I verbally assaulted the lot of you in the white room,” I finished.

“Yes,” he agreed. His tone was sad. He didn’t like that, either, I thought. They had all – every one of them – come upon me and begun to work their stupid little words. And I had been so hurt and angry with Sekhmet that I had lashed out at every single one of them. Words have power, I thought to myself. And my angst and hurt had been unleashed and I had changed the way things were going… to suit Sekhmet’s needs and desires. I felt sorry, sometimes, knowing that it was my own unrealized decision that had caused this solitude.

“You could have told her to go fuck off,” I reiterated. “Instead, you did as she demanded for whatever reasons of your own. You are all fucking fools.” I stiffened my spine and my neck. “Please leave. I am hurt enough today. I don’t need to rehash the old.”

“As you wish,” he said magnanimously.

I hated the lot of them in that moment.

I swallowed back my anger. I was doing that too much, I realized. If I kept this up, I was liable to end up back in that white room. I closed my eyes against everything going on in front of me and took three solid, deep breaths. When I opened my eyes, I felt a little calmer. I felt like I could at least make it through this stupid event and maybe even into tomorrow. The hurt and the anger wasn’t gone, of course, it was just placed in a safe little place, deep inside of me, until I could beat something or someone up with it.

I watched until my eyes glazed over. I kept to myself until I thought I would scream from feeling so lonely. I observed everything I could.

The only thing I learned was that gods were selfish assholes.

27 thoughts on “Hurt.

  1. When you started this, did you really imagine that They were otherwise? None of this is about you – ever. This is about service. We are all in essence, roadies to the Gods. They are the rockstars. We are ‘support staff’. The realization does turn to something useful later on. I can say, however, that there is great power in being underestimated that even the Netjeru can be astonished by.

    • To be completely honest, I really did think all of this was about me. I thought S was swooping in to make me a better person for me. I thought she wanted to see me achieve goals that were for me. I thought she wanted to see me whole and healed from everything for me. I thought she cared about me, as a person, and not me as the tool.

      I stupidly, idiotically, ignorantly believed that the gods gave two shits about us.

      And every time I face the reality that, no this isn’t about me and myself but about her and her needs, I get so angry and pissed off. I get so angry now that I want to throw things, that I want to destroy everything (as she has taught me how to do), and just scream with hysterical laughter as it all comes burning down around my ears. I want all of it to go the fuck away on days like yesterday and days like today.

      I’m a tool and I fucking hate that shit.

      But it doesn’t matter now. I’m in too deep.

      • Ah, but it should be about you to some capacity. If they treat you too roughly, the tool breaks. And that serves them very little, too. So I think there is some middle ground here. They are patching you up so that you can do your job- yes. But there has to be some concern there.
        I once insinuated (or stated) that Set and Osiris didn’t care about me. And they looked genuinely hurt. I may be a means to an end, but there still seems to be some emotion, some concern despite that. Anytime I’ve stated or pointed otherwise, they get really upset, honestly.
        And why would you expect Set and O to not get along at the party? XDDDD Hasn’t my crack-gravy-train taught you that they can get along? :P

        • Re: Tools. I have flat out screamed that she doesn’t give a shit about me. I get no reaction. She’s nonplussed by the assertion from what I gather. It’s possible that she may be hurt by my screaming fits. It’s possible that I’m just overreacting and she knows it. It’s also possible that, like, she’s really good at hiding her reactions. I mean, I dunno. I just am so fucking angry.

          Re: the broskies. That’s actually kind of why I was paying such close attention. XDD I was like, “Oh shit. I got to see how this plays out.” All in all, pretty boring.

          • hahahahahahahahaha they probably made it boring just to irritate you XDD
            Yeah, I understand. It’s really… mmm… difficult to have this shit happen. It breaks your brain, and it breaks you down. And there are so few people who really write about it or discuss it. So many people are like OMG I AM SO HAPPY I AM A TOOL. OMG THE GODS ARE SO DESERVING OF MY WORSHIP BECAUSE I AM A DIVINE TOOL, but really? that’s not how it plays out for a lot of us. And a lot of our religious texts/resources don’t talk about how gods can be jerks, and how they may only see you as a means to an end, or how they may not care what you want, but will throw you into the worst thing imaginable because they think you will swim (as opposed to sink).
            And like so many things, it’s easy to read this and go “yeah, that makes sense”, but its quite another to be neck deep in teh experience.
            If it counts for anything, a lot of my anger subsided in due time. I may still do so for you.
            Or not. And then you just blow everything up because fuck hte popo.

            • You’re right, and I am certainly not trying to say that deities always show up in a cloud of love and light. But if they’re cruel or uncaring, there’s some value in telling them to fuck right off. They’re these immense beings from beyond the veil and they don’t always understand or remember the needs of their human servants. Sometimes a fuck off is all they’ll hear. I don’t think they always get hints.

                • Oh, I’m sorry I was just saying that because my first comment kinda made it seem like I was all deities should appear in a cloud of love and if they don’t tell them to fuck off. Not sure how I offended here but certainly not my intent.

                  • Sorry, I came off a bit harsher than I had intended to D:
                    In this case, I do know that gods can be love and light, and they can be pushy pricks that don’t take hints. Much like Sat, I’ve spent some time kicking and screaming at my gods over the past year because I felt like they were using and abusing me all in the name of some larger picture that I didn’t care about.
                    So yea. Gods can be nice, but they can be mean, just like people. It seems that people are really only exploring those ideas now. I hope that more people start to talk about it openly- so that it becomes a more commonplace/well known thing.

                    • Ah, no worries. Yes, it would be nice to hear all the different experiences with gods. As I’ve said a couple of times in other places I think the gods are hugely multifaceted,and that each devotee may meet a different face or version, if you will, of a particular deity. When we talk about all of those faces, even the harsh and nasty ones, I feel we all benefit.

              • I’ve been telling S to fuck off for as long as we’ve been together. It’s not a matter of standing up to her anymore. It’s a matter of being created for the purpose she desires, no matter how I feel.

            • I really would not be surprised if I was bored on purpose. Just another thing to surpass in a long line of fucked up shit.

              Since this stuff started, I’ve been trying so hard to keep my outward cool and I just can’t. Everything sets me off and that’s because I just can’t talk about it most of the time. I feel betrayed and broken and everyone’s all, “woo deities” and all these new people are like, “help me find deities.” And I’m a ball of misery and want to scare them away.

              I really would love to blow up everything, tbh.

              • I know them feels. When it happened last year, I decided I was just gonna talk about it anyways, and I decided to “burn down my house”.
                This year, when it happened, I skulked back into my little corner and just hissed at everyone.
                SO yeah >.>;; not many good or viable options atm.

      • It should be about you too! We’re not just tools and they ought to remember that. There is such a thing as setting limits with your deities.

  2. I tried to type this earlier but inexplicably it shut and the comment didn’t make it. IIf our Mother is attempting to silence me on this, She need not bother to try. She knows well that I know who I am, and have earned the right to speak. No one ever said this was easy, Sis. You chose it or it chose you, and by that it is never simple. We both know that those caught up in the “Sekhmet Shiny” don’t see it. It isn’t simple to do what we do. I do know, however, that I see you, on occasion have sufficient spine to stand up and tell Her, “No.” and then you sometimes act as if you expect your words to not have any weight with her. Trust me. They do. As a daughter, you ARE permitted to say “No.” Let Her rage, thrown a tantrum or a fit. When you get to be a woman of a certain age and experience, you become less and less afraid of the emotional blackmail that even the Netjeru sometimes have a tendency to try and pull.

    For myself, it was the bit of time hanging out with both the akhu and also Azazel / Melek Taus. If nothing else, it got Sekhmet’s attention. It would seem, for lack of a better term, all of the above have an accord now. How it was worked out, I am not certain, Sometimes taking a step back even for a moment can be very difficult, but sometimes very necessary. I’ve been where you are and if I can impart nothing else to you, know that you are not facing it alone. I can PM you my number and you can call or text any time,

    • I really do feel like whenever I tell her off, she doesn’t care. It always feels like this cold mask that I’m talking to. I know she has a heart and I know she cares about me in some way, but I just feel like she’s ignoring my emotional needs to build what she needs.

      I don’t doubt that what she needs is important. We both know what she wants and I know that it’s a good idea. But the initiation process really sucks. I never thought this would be candy canes, lollipops, and bon bons but all of those things would really make it an easier pill to swallow!

      I have two weeks or so before I have projects to do for the lwa. And I seriously can’t wait. Being immersed in them, and specifically Papa, is all I really want right now. I know what they want isn’t going to be easy, either, but at least Papa tells me things.

      Thank you, Sis.

  3. It’s true that “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.” Just remember that phrase works in both directions. Don’t take court too seriously. It’s a game, a place where statements are publicly made. Ra has paraded me around a time or two. The good stuff happens behind the scenes.

    • I honestly have no idea what statements are made. The only time anyone has spoken to me was when Djehuti and I had our conversation and one other time that I haven’t discussed yet (which I will in a couple more entries). And I know that what D was saying was right. This was the choice I made and I just.. have to live with it.

      I have yet to find the good stuff. But the fact that I can’t see any doesn’t mean that there aren’t. It just means that I’m not there yet, I guess. Maybe. Hopefully.


      • This is just speculation based on what I read, of course.

        Hetheru was publicly stating that she would not interfere with Sekhmet’s claim on you. She might speak to you out of the public eye later, but not until your bond with Sekhmet is obviously secure. The more you rant about her snub now, the longer she would be required to wait on that. One does not want to make Sekhmet nervous.

        Her-sa-Aset’s wink said, “Relax, kid.” The girl was most likely a public statement that he still has what it takes under the kilt, which is an important thing for a kingly god to remind the others about. (Especially if there might have been any gossip that needed quieting.) He probably wouldn’t have chosen her if she expected more than he was willing to give. He’s not that kind of guy. In short, don’t feel sorry for her. (He’s the one I know most about, so it’s easy to speculate on what he’s doing.)

        The gods are also constrained by courtly behavior. It’s the only way you can get that many highly passionate and dangerous beings together in the same room without possibly sparking a fight. They were not allowed to pay you much more attention than a look here and there. The stronger your bond with anyone other than Sekhmet, the more sternly that rule held.

        If you truly do have problems with Sekhmet, Djehuty would be a good person to ask for help. He’s pretty well respected by most of them. He helped mediate in my relationship with Ra, and Ra listened to him.

        • I got the feeling everyone was tiptoeing around her, which pisses me off even more. It’s like, “y’all haven’t been in power for how long and you’re still scared? Really?” I know she is not a god to whom to fuck but I just really want to tell them to get over it.

          Even if H’s snub had a meaning, and your theory works for me, it still hurts. It sucks. I just… even though I consciously made my choice, I didn’t ask the correct questions. And that was dumb, but I really feel like someone should have been adult enough to say, “yo, Sat. Here’s the break down.”

          If I had known beforehand, I probably would have still agreed. And maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. But then again, I suspect the pain is the important part.

          H-s-A was kind of hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of him before so his reaction was pretty okay.

          That makes sense now, about the bond. Since I’ve had interactions and relationships with most of the gods I remembered there, obvs, it makes sense that they would have been like, “okay, let’s step 10,000,000 paces back rn.”

          If things keep sucking after I get out of where I am now, I’ll see if Djehuti can come by.


          • There’s also the part where the party was at her place. Her house, her rules, as it were. Djehuty was technically breaking the rules just talking to you, but He can get away with shit like that.

  4. You know, I think She’s trying to burn the rage out of you. You’re angry and you’re hurt, which puts you in sort of a Not Good place for learning. I think She figures that you need to move past the rage and pain, and She’s trying to speed the process by making you face the thing that hurts over and over. It’s cruel and over the top, and it makes me wonder why she thinks pushing you through faster is necessary.

    And dare I say it – you’re not a tool, you’re a *weapon*. A sword needs tempering. Wind you up, stoke the fire, hammer out a few more sharp edges, and wait for you to quench on your own time.

    • I wish that was the case, but she’s the cause of all my rage and anger. So, the only way to make it go away, right now, is for her to go away. XD

      But that is definitely counterproductive.

      • I think that’s the point, though I think She’s going about it badly. As long as they’ve been working with us, many of them still don’t know quite what makes us tick, psychologically. She thinks that by pushing you through the rage and making you feel it over and over, you’ll eventually transcend rage and come out the other side calm, honed, and sharp.

        But you’re already plenty sharp. In trying to perfect the sword, She’s overworking the metal and risking shattering it. And….I’m just taking this metaphor and running all over the back of beyond with it. :)

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