So, part of my foray into the magical portion of my journey means that, periodically, I was going to take stock in how well the spells came out in a variety of ways. I also wanted to be absolutely sure that these spells were working properly before I considered adding them to the Book of Shadows that Hekate has ordered I create. I wasn’t going to just add a bunch of spells, not knowing if they would work properly to it. It’s better to do the scientific method and test the hypothesis before you write your paper in science circles, so why not in witchy circles as well? Thus far, I can say with 100% certainty that this whole spells-in-jars thing seems to be going well.
Taking Stock: Emotional
Prior to my current spells-in-jars thing that I have been doing, I followed the magical backgrounds that had been encoded into my practice when I was still eclectic by both the Sister and the EM. This meant writing a spell, adding herbal ingredients to seeing it through, and burning it into my cauldron. I recall quite frequently in those moments freaking out a lot about not having the “correct” ingredients. This induced a good deal of anxiety in me prior to spell crafting and I’m pretty sure, from what I’ve read and how I feel at the moment, that my anxieties regarding not being “properly prepared” was a large reason in why most of those spells have failed. I can’t say that is the definite reason for it, however, it seems to run in line with what I’ve read from more experienced magical practitioners and, you know, what my gut was always trying to say, which was, don’t do this spell because it won’t work because you’re freaking the fuck out.
Emotionally speaking, I was much more calm, cool, and collected about the spells I did. I think a part of this was because I had a framework that seemed to make more sense to me than the burning and throwing away ashes later method. Since I had the option to place these spells into jars that I had lying around, it made it feel, to me, more real and more magical all in one. I like being able to see and feel things – this is why I will refer to myself as an idolator a lot – and by not having the physical remnants of the spells at my disposal, I often would forget that they had taken place. So, if I was doing a money spell and burnt it all up, I would be less likely to go out and do the legwork – sending out resumes, filling out applications, etc – to make the money spell work. However, with the physical remnant left behind, I was more likely to focus my intentions on sending out the resumes, filling out the applications, and praying that it would be so.
(Just because you do a spell doesn’t mean you can’t break down in front of your altars, sobbing at your gods for making you suffer without money.)
I also didn’t worry as much about the “proper ingredients” in these two spells that I had crafted for myself. I think a part of this is age. When you’re first starting out, you tend very much to want to have “ALL THE THINGS” that you may need for spells, for altars, and you want all the very best. However, I think another part of this was because in my forays into Vodou, I’ve come to realize that sometimes, you just don’t have the fucking money. So, I have to say that a certain element of calming was some of the research I’ve done on a religion that has one of the poorest populations affixed to it. Another aspect that helped to calm me was my occasional looks into hoodoo, which is very practical on “using what you have to hand.”
All in all, on an emotional level, I was neither anxious, upset, or worried while performing either of these spells. I was much more calm, cool, and collected as I thought about what I wanted the spell craft to say. I was much more focused on seeing that it was completed because I had the physical reminder, which was also very soothing. I have to say, emotionally speaking, I succeeded admirably.
Taking Stock: Mental
Since I was planning these spells for a bit longer than a day or two before hand, my mental state was very much attuned to what I was doing. In previous magical forays, I tended to just fly by the seat of my pants when it came time to write the spells. However, in these past two cases, I had been plotting and planning prior to the actual magical endeavor itself for at least three days to a week beforehand. I think by having a general feel that I was going to be doing some magic in these two subjects, then it made life easier for me to have a calm head long enough to know exactly what aspects I felt needed to be execrated prior to the spell casting as well as knowing clearly what I wanted the actual spell to say.
Another aspect to this was my clear decision to jettison the rhyming thing. I’m very good at rhyming and whatnot, but this seemed very, uh, childish to me over the years. It also made spells appear more flowery and with less intent, in my eyes. With a feeling of just wanting a definite X, Y, Z to happen that is precisely what I wrote in my spells. I was very logical in regarding to what I wrote, as well, which is partially due to thinking about it for so much beforehand. I think another aspect to rhyming spells is that logistics don’t quite enter into it.
In a lot of magical practices, people will discuss getting into a “mental mindset.” If you’re feeling too woogaboo about things, then it’s recommended that you not do it. However, since I had been prepping myself for a few days to a week before hand, it made things easier. Instead of being tossed into a suddenly magical environment as could (and did) happen in my earliest pagan days, I was able to process that I would be making magic, that I had to continue in a mindset that worked for the magical endeavor I was taking on, and I think that really helped me out very well.
Taking Stock: Physical
I had heard numerous times that doing magical things could take it out of you in a physical way. One of my friends recently did some major magical undertaking and she ended up feeling a physical kind of pain in her third eye region. I’ve felt this in some instances in previous magical workings, such as after coming home from a “coven meet,” I would end up feeling very exhausted and wrung out. Sometimes, if the energy raised was high enough, it could even last into the next day or the day after.
However, in these two instances, I actually felt pretty keyed up after the actual undertakings. This was new to me; I had never felt these kind of energy explosion. In my Wiccish days, I had been told that things like Drawing Down the Moon would end up with me having a sudden caffeine like high, but I never experienced this previously. All in all, I ended up feeling wrung out and exhausted after the fact. While after my initial magical high did fade and I did feel like I needed to go to bed thereafter, I was still able to complete the magical endeavors (candle burning, mostly). I didn’t feel magically hungover the next day as I had on previous occasions. I’m not sure if this is because I had been preparing myself for some days before hand or if it’s due to a change in mental synapses or what, but it happened well.
I think part of the reason why I did not have any major physical backlash on these may also be because the endeavors were very focused and that they were focused intently on the object in question, in both cases a jar. However, I really cannot comment. I haven’t done any magical reading, nor do I intend to, on this particular instance. I do wonder, though, if a part of it also has to do with the fact that not only was I intent on what I was doing for days before hand, but also that I was working with gods and lwa during both instances. Could it be that because they were there to oversee what I was doing and in one case, aiding me, that the physical backlash wasn’t as intense?
Taking Stock: Results
The first spell I did was a curse. I’ve mentioned that results have actually happened, although they were not what I thought they would be. However, the results that I did actually want have come to pass. Specifically, when I wrote my spell, I wrote that I wanted the Sister’s mentally and emotionally abusive “roommates,” Eric and Sarah, to know nothing but suffering. As far as I have heard from the Sister, everything in their lives do seem to be pointing in this direction. All the two of them do is fight extensively between themselves about how Sarah “can’t do anything” because she “suffers from postpartum depression.” However, when things are done to aid her in getting passed this, she always goes on about how it’s “not so bad.” Even though they cannot clean themselves, they have not done laundry, they do not eat properly, etc etc etc, she claims that it isn’t so bad. As time passes with them in the Sister’s house, they do nothing but wallow in their own misery.
I call that a flaming success.
The one thing that I had thought may happen, but didn’t was that they would remove themselves from the Sister’s premises. As they are illegal house guests, they do not belong there. However, I did not write this into my spell at all. I was thinking more of visiting upon them the very horrors that they have done to the Sister – case in point, threatening to have her committed during a manic phase when that’s the least likely time she would hurt herself or others. (I see the constant arguments between Sarah and Eric regarding her mental health as “just desserts” here.) This made me aware of how very detailed and specific I need to be in future.
Some Money Magix.
The second spell was about bringing money into my home. The results to this one are one hundred percent in and I can say that the spell worked out perfectly. The spell itself was very detailed and specific. I was intent on making this spell about me going back to work, even though I could have done a dual spell or even two separate spells since TH is out of work as well. However, knowing the job industry that he works, I knew that I was more likely to procure a job so I made sure the spell was tailored specifically to me. And it very much works since I started my new job this past Wednesday, after being offered the job in question about a week after I did the spell.
Now, before anyone goes on about how awesome my magical skills are, let me just say this. Prior to doing the spell in question, I had been job hunting very seriously for about six months before I turned to magical endeavors to aid me with my job hunting. So let me just say to anyone new who wants to do magic: you can turn to this as an aid to getting what you desire, but you really need to do the work yourself in instances such as this. In arenas like money, love, career, and all of those fun things… you can’t just hope that magic will fix it all with a wave of a magical wand and some bippity-boppity-boo. As much fun as that sounds, we can’t rely on the Universe to fix everything for us because we command it in a very specific way. We still have to do the leg work.
While thinking about this particular aspect of taking stock, I realized that the spell I cast was very specific and that being very specific helped me out in the long run. I had been very intent on a drawing a specific amount of money into my home – $1200 a month – so that I could cover all household costs without worrying about whether or not TH was bringing in an income. The job that I am currently working has a pay rate that is almost exactly what I requested. Considering the fact that the job I really wanted to work was less than that and this job, which seemed interesting and I was capable of doing but I wasn’t as desirous of it as the one I just mentioned, I have to say that my spell did work. Even though I wanted to work at a yoga studio as a receptionist, something that I said or a gut instinct on behalf of that interviewer made it so that I did not get that job and so, the job that I got was the one that would cover the household expenses without any financial assistance from TH.
All in all, I think I am getting the hang of this magical working thing. I believe that this is a clear indicator that whatever blockades I have had because of past life experiences and pre-shadow working endeavors are indeed working. I think this means that I am doing well with Hekate and that our work together is definitely showing results. I also believe that this whole witchy thing that I had been very leery of beforehand due to youthful mistakes is fading since I’ve done two spells in two months, which is a real fucking record around here after years of not bothering. I also think that by taking so much time in between each spell (about a month a piece), I’m able to reset any inner workings that may need to be reset prior to the new magical undertaking. I’m also able to see that results are being given in regards to my magical endeavors in between each undertaking as well. And I’m also able to shake off the mistaken urge that requires “proper ingredients,” transforming it into “proper words.”
All in all, considering the spells I’ve done, I think I am doing well and I think they are doing beautifully.