I’m taking a break from Tumblr for reasons, but so much of my pagan/polytheist community is over there with me that I hear all the stuff going on anyway. Apparently, there’s a sudden flourish of interest in traveling to the astral realms. I will admit that I saw some of this shit before I flipped my shit and deleted my Tumblr app from my tablet. A sudden profusion of queries regarding what it’s like, how to get there, etc. In the time I’ve been away (barely 24 hours as I write this), there are some people getting angry/upset/bitchy with the people who do go over there for not “sharing the secrets to get to the astral.”
You know what I have to say?
Are you fucking insane?
I have been friends with Dusken and L for nearly a year. In that time, I have watched them get beaten the fuck up by all the shit they do and see on the astral. I have heard stories of some really awesome moments either together or singularly, but these have all been tempered by all of the fucked up shit, which I won’t mention specifically as it is not my place to do so, that these two have gone through. When my friend, Devo began entering the astral, I started reading her experiences there. And again, some awesome stuff has gone on amid some serious fuckery. Again, I won’t be specific because it’s not my place, but suffice it to say that dead children are the icing on the fuckery cake.
Who the fuck wants dead children as icing on the astral cake? No one. However, shit like that is rife over there. As all three have been saying for months now, the astral gives no fucks. And it doesn’t. There are no fucking rules, which is why you can be wherever the fuck you want and everything looks however the fuck it wants. That, also, means that if it feels like fucking your day up, then it will fuck your day up. And it really doesn’t matter how you feel about the astral fucking up your day. You’ll have to swallow that pain and keep motherfucking going because, excuse me while I repeat myself again, it gives no fucks.
I go to the astral, nearly every night. I’ll tell you something. I really don’t want to be there. The place scares me out of my fucking gourd. But, dutifully, I put on my coat, my gloves, and my hiking boots. I strap on a knife and make sure my Protective Ride is ready to go. I hold Hekate’s hand and we get going so that the past life thing can hurry up and get finished. I do not cross the street without holding her hand and looking both ways. I do not take sweets from strangers nor do I talk to strangers. I do not look left nor right as we go wherever we are going; I look straight ahead and keep careful pace with Hekate. I am there for a very specific purpose and I am intent on that very specific purpose. We go, we see, we come back. End of story.
And I can tell you this: once this whole past life shenans are over, I do not plan on going back. I do not want to find a guide. I do not want to have to use my Protective Ride anymore (except as a sentry for wherever I am in the physical plane). I do not want to go soul journeying. I do not want to pick flowers and see unicorns or dragons. I do not want to do a damn thing over there besides get my working finished and move the fuck on with my life. Why? ‘Cause I know the reality, folks. It’s all fun and games until someone rapes you; it’s all fun and games until someone tries to kill you; it’s all fun and games until a god won’t take no for an answer; it’s all fun and games until you’re stuck in the middle of a war you have no idea about; it’s all fun and games until you meet up with someone who bound your soul to them, without your permission, and they want you back.
Does all that sound exciting to you? If it does, then I have to say, you really need to have your head examined.
It isn’t a sense of wanting to be part of the Special Snowflake Club that stops these people from giving you specific instructions on how to get there. It isn’t that simple, anyway. There are any number of a hundred thousand different ways to get to the astral, for one thing. And on the other, people like the Khal, Dusken, and Devo, are trying to protect you from your own stupidity. And going to the astral is opening up a whole can of stupid worms. Lots and lots and lots of stupid motherfucking worms and you guys just need to stop thinking, “Oh, well I want to go too because it’s so shiny and everyone who goes is part of a club and I want to be in the Cool Kids Club.” Nope. No. Sorry, motherfuckers; it doesn’t work that way.
Everyone I know, on a personal level, who has been to the astral has gone over there kicking and screaming after it fucking said, “Yo, sup, bitches? It’s time to fuck up your day.”
And fuckery was had by all.
- Prepping For the Astral by The Rose Bell.
- Why Spirit-Walking Is Inherently Dangerous by Duskenpath.
- Astral Don’t Care by Devo.
- A Is For Astral by Goat-Willow.