Unfinished Business (I).

I got into a fight with my Christian best friend after my last post. It’s not lost on me that she took offense to what I was saying and that the people who replied and liked were all of a pagan background in some form or another. The thing is that when I talked with my mother about the instance of our argument later, she said to me, “I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.” And that’s when I began to wonder just how completely incompatible our lives have become. It isn’t so much just because of the distance and the fact that we are no longer the Giggle Girls from our teenage era, but also because of the religious stances we both have, of which are completely different. Initially, I was going to write this post and be angry – and you can expect that there will be some very snarky, snotty, swearing comments – but now I think it’s going to be a mixture of various volatile emotions.

Just to figure things out, I started doing research about her church. I decided not to leave a link to the church in question because, really, that’s an asshole move and it doesn’t really explain much. I will point out that the basic tenet of the church appears to be the fulfillment of Acts 1:8. “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (New International Version.)

I was thinking that maybe there was something more than just the Baptist veneer here, but I’m not really seeing anything except perhaps a more vocal need for evangelism. Then, I realized that in my haste to hope that this was just a miscommunication thing that I clicked the wrong link. I was looking for general Baptist associations with her church. What I wanted her to be affiliated with was the Baptist World Alliance. But if I’m reading everything on the website that her particular church is affiliated with, the church she belongs to is part of the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention,, which is related to the Southern Baptist Convention. After learning all of these very fun and alarming facts, I’ve come to the conclusion that our disagreement isn’t a miscommunication in as much as a complete and utter break down in opposing religious identities.

Well.

Fuck.

Here is what started all of this.

Reference your thoughts on prayers blog post:
What makes you think that just because I posted a comment on Facebook about praying about getting my car paid that I don’t pray to God all day everyday about things in my life both good and bad? And why is it that you can’t seem to talk about your gods with out demeaning someone else’s God or beliefs, or the way they pray, or anything else that isn’t whatever you want it to be? You pick and choose what you want to believe in this life, and when something about your gods or your religion doesn’t suit you, you just change it to whatever does. I’m sorry that your so angry with God over your fathers death. But it does grieve Him when we are hurting, and our problems no matter how big or small are important to Him. It doesn’t matter how far you go from Him he’ll always be there. Forgive me if I’m confused but you say you don’t care what other people believe, as long as they have faith, and you talk about tolerance and all these things that sound so great, but then cry about everyone who is “doing it wrong” and complain about how stupid kids on tumblr are, and post blog after blog demeaning everything, every God and every person who isn’t or doesn’t think like you. No one does it right in this world that’s why God gave His son, so that through Him we can reconcile with God. Jesus wasn’t merely human either, He was also fully devine. I’m just saying. I don’t understand how you can believe the things you do, but not believe in God. I don’t understand why you are always attacking Christianity. Yes people have done horrible things and started wars in His name but those people were wrong. Just as every person that walks on this Earth makes mistakes, bad choices, sin, whatever you want to call it. I’m no different, neither are you. I love you to death and never say anything for fear of losing your friendship, but why? Why should I continue to fear losing your friendship? You voice your opinions and rants all over the Internet and don’t care. You want all these people to follow you and hang on every word you say and if they don’t you just cut them off. So if I’m going to be cut off, then it is what it is. Probably happen eventually anyway so I might as well just say what I think. Believe in whatever you want, but stop demeaning others who do believe in God. Stop demeaning those who don’t believe what you do or practice religion the way you do, because we are all the same.

So, to be completely frank, I was pretty excited when I read, What makes you think that just because I posted a comment on Facebook about praying about getting my car paid that I don’t pray to God all day everyday about things in my life both good and bad? I thought that we could have an adult conversation about perceptions being 9/10s of Internet law. I thought that we could have a rollicking good time. Then, I saw the length of her commentary and was just like, “Well, there goes that idea.” I thought, “We can talk about things!” And I could explain to her that since she doesn’t make mention of the fact that she told her god about her fantastically fucking awesome cookies, I can only assume that she goes the negative way. And that since a lot of her posts recently on Facebook have been about doubt and loss and fear and being a bad Christian all the time, I had to assume that things were just, you know, bad and that her prayers were, you know, to effect change on those bad situations. But, as anyone who has read her snippet can tell me, yeah. That conversation didn’t happen.

Unfortunately when she went on to say, And why is it that you can’t seem to talk about your gods with out demeaning someone else’s God or beliefs, or the way they pray, or anything else that isn’t whatever you want it to be? I realized that she only actually read the entries in which I explained why I had issues with Christianity. I should have already been given that little factoid anyway. In looking back, any comments she has made regarding my religious blog, this blog, has been about how she’s sorry that my experiences with the Christian deity seem so negative and angry. That’s fine. Just to be sure I wasn’t completely off my rocker here, I’ve found that she has commented thirteen times. Not all of the posts she’s commented on were remarks upon my experiences with the Christian god. But, thirteen… and I have 390 published posts. So she has made comments on point-zero-three percent of the posts… so I have to assume that she skims, if she reads at all, and so therefore doesn’t actually take away any of the content I discuss.

You pick and choose what you want to believe in this life, and when something about your gods or your religion doesn’t suit you, you just change it to whatever does. While she started to make sense here, it stopped when she got to the point where there were changes to my religious stances when things “don’t suit.” The only changes I’ve made have been in regards to what the soul is, by ancient Egyptian standards, and in working with the lwa and having to figure out exactly what Bondye is in my practice and where it belongs. Accusing me of something about my theology that is based on a completely incorrect assumption? Also a pretty good indicator that she doesn’t read my blog posts.

I’m sorry that your so angry with God over your fathers death. But it does grieve Him when we are hurting, and our problems no matter how big or small are important to Him. It doesn’t matter how far you go from Him he’ll always be there. Again, yet another indication that she doesn’t read my posts. I never once said that I was currently angry with the Christian deity for my father’s death. On this blog and in my personal one, I have commented that I am angry WITH MY FATHER for dying. I don’t blame it on anyone but my father’s poor choice making skills. I said in my previous post that after praying, as a kid, to have my dad given a Phoenix Down by the Christian deity, and that not happening, I gave up on praying because I didn’t want anything else. PERIOD.

Forgive me if I’m confused but you say you don’t care what other people believe, as long as they have faith, and you talk about tolerance and all these things that sound so great, yes. I do. I have repeatedly. I have even said I’m not great at it, but I’ve said, you know, whatever floats your religious boat. but then cry about everyone who is “doing it wrong” I believe this is actually a direct reference to the statement I made, “That’s just not how this works, as far as I am concerned.” That was from my last post, direct quote there. That wasn’t me telling anybody, “You’re doing it wrong,” but explaining that whiling away your time, praying about how you want good shit to replace the bad shit, seems wrong to me. The words, “as far as I am concerned,” refer to how I work, how I practice, and how this just doesn’t seem like it’s right. It’s funny how people who write blog posts utilize the information they’ve gathered from their experiences. In no way did I ever say, “MOTHER FUCKER, STOP FUCKING WHINING AND TALK ABOUT HOW YOU KNITTED A SCARF TO YOUR GOD.” I’ll suggest you do that; I’ll tell you that I do shit like that and that it works out well, in my experience. But, I don’t order people in what they believe.

And to the next part of that massively run-on sentence, complain about how stupid kids on tumblr are, and post blog after blog demeaning everything. That’s actually conflating two separate blogs together. I have a personal blog, in which I only go there to vent and get out my angst. I have had that blog since August of last year and I have posted a sum total of 150 times. And yes, most to all of it is me being very negative. Why is that? I have to let it out somehow, right? Otherwise it just kind of eats at you or some shit? Yeah; amazing that.

No one does it right in this world that’s why God gave His son, so that through Him we can reconcile with God. Jesus wasn’t merely human either, He was also fully devine. I’m just saying. I don’t understand how you can believe the things you do, but not believe in God. Okay. That’s your opinion. I’m glad you have one about that kind of stuff. I don’t, like, at all. Your divinity doesn’t have anything to do with me except that we worked together, once, when I was a kid. I don’t really understand what my beliefs have to do with it. In fact, it feels to me that you don’t really know what my beliefs are. I suggest checking out a basic ancient Egyptian religion book and getting your reading on. You may finally get it.

I don’t understand why you are always attacking Christianity. Yes people have done horrible things and started wars in His name but those people were wrong. Just as every person that walks on this Earth makes mistakes, bad choices, sin, whatever you want to call it. I went back through my post. I never attacked Christianity. I never said, “Hey, you shouldn’t be a Christian because that’s just wrong.” I never said anything except discussed how it was FOR ME when I was a Christian. It didn’t fucking work out; what’s the big deal? How many relationships were you in before you got married? Just because you find a religion doesn’t necessarily mean you have to keep it, just like all those ex-boyfriends.

I love you to death and never say anything for fear of losing your friendship, but why? Why should I continue to fear losing your friendship? I don’t see a damn word about how I feel about you being a southern fucking Baptist with conservative-fundamentalist backgrounds. But, you know, it’s not for fear of losing your friendship. I know we’ll meet again in the next life and learn the lesson we probably didn’t learn in this one. Will it hurt? Yeah. Does it suck that you have drawn a line? Yep. But, I can live with that. My religion is my life, kid. I eat it, breathe it, sleep it, dream it, live it. And I bet you feel the same about yours. *shrug* Oh, well. A twenty-year friendship is an impressive thing but not enough to sacrifice my ideals or for you to think that I demand the same of you.

You voice your opinions and rants all over the Internet and don’t care. Actually, I do care. This is another indication that you just don’t read what the fuck I write. I have said repeatedly, “This is what I think, I could change my mind later; inform me of your thoughts.” I’ve made major revisions to personal beliefs and liturgy at the behest of numerous comments about something I’ve posted. I’ve cried and bled for this religious path. I’ve cried and bled because of this blog. I do fucking care. I care all over the fucking place and you’re accusing me otherwise? Why not just pour lemon juice on that paper cut you just created across my fucking face?

You want all these people to follow you and hang on every word you say and if they don’t you just cut them off. You got that right! I’m a fucking Leo! I want everyone to stroke my damn ego and enjoy what the fuck I write. The thing is that, you know, it’s not just that I want them to hang off of my every word. I want to teach; I want to explain; I want to be someone that someone turns to if they have a question. While part of that is because, you know, ego… it’s also because it feels fucking good to help others. I’m sorry if you think me so selfish, but I’m really fucking not. Also, aside from no longer following blogs due to a blow out that happened in May of this year, I have never once cut off a person. I really don’t think you know me, at all. Just because I can stop talking to a person doesn’t mean that I do it lightly.

Believe in whatever you want, but stop demeaning others who do believe in God. Stop demeaning those who don’t believe what you do or practice religion the way you do, because we are all the same. If you found my experiences with your god demeaning, then I’m sorry for your perception. But again, we come back to that being 9/10s of Internet law. You obviously don’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about because you have a great relationship with your god. FANTASTIC FOR YOU. BULLY FOR YOU. GET A COOKIE OUT OF THE JAR. It’s not that way with everyone. And yeah, some of us have had really fucked up experiences with the fucking Christian deity.

Guess what, honey? PEOPLE EMOTE AND DISCUSS THEIR EXPERIENCES WITHOUT DEMEANING EVERYONE.

With this whole fucking commentary, I’ll admit, readers, that I suddenly became acutely fucking aware that it is possible for a cisgender, white girl to fucking experience what PoC and LGBTQ people call “privilege.” Because by discussing my fucking experiences, that meant that I was demeaning her and her god. WAY TO GO ON MAKING HEADWAY WITH INTER-FAITH RELATIONS.

(Stay tuned for part two where you see the initial comments I made to this message and the response I received back!)

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Unfinished Business (I).

  1. “Because by discussing my fucking experiences, that meant that I was demeaning her and her god.”

    This. [Liked the post because it has things I’ve wanted to say to people all my life but not been able to.]

  2. Oh boy! Does this sound familar! Add in being told I’m a murder because I’m pro-choice and you have one of my childhood friends that converted from being Presby to Catholic. I feel you!

  3. Pingback: Unfinished Business (II). | Mystical Bewilderment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s