One of those things you find me talking about often enough is how very, very layered and diverse the gods can be. Too often, we’ll find a website or someone who thinks they know everything they could know about a god’s particular aspect – dark and danger, flighty and pink, motherly and sweet, whore – and that will be the end of it. Now, I don’t talk about this so often because I think my way is the only way (usually), but because too often I get all het up when I see people pigeon-holin’ gods into tiny boxes that just don’t work. So, you’d think that, considering this content and how often I bitch about it, that I’m not guilty of this. But, that’s not true. I’ve found myself guilty of it frequently. The difference is that I strive to get out of that mindset.
Thing is, I don’t always succeed.
When Hetharu came into my life, I thought of her as a kind of sacred whore. (She was intrigued by the title when I came up with it.) She came into my life with the express purpose of helping me work on the sex stuff, although now years later, I wonder what exactly her helping is in that regard. But, neither here nor there, I had a very difficult time when I started seeing her cropping up all over the place and heard, specifically, from Sekhmet that I had to get my ass in gear and work with her sister-self. And the face I made when I first made this intense and surprising discovery was something you should never hope to see on my face. It pretty much means that death is coming to you. The only word that even remotely comes close to describing it would be “thunderous” but I’ve also heard “bitchy” now and again. You can ask the Sister if you don’t believe me. I was not happy when the sacred whore showed up in my life.
I did my research because, as much as I may not be happy about it, I’m not going to just go with my first gut on who a particular god is. There are a lot of different nuances in the ancient Egyptian pantheon that you may not be able to pin your finger on unless you immerse yourself in the mythologies and the descriptors, in the imagery and the professional opinions. I saw that she was a grand dame and that she held dominion over motherhood, the home, as well as the feminine body parts. I also saw that she was related to stars, to beauty. She was the patron goddess of dancers and the sistrum is an item often associated with her cult. Suffice to say that to call this particular goddess’s associations as “varied” is a complete understatement. In earlier times, her cult center usurped and added to its repertoire by overshadowing minor goddesses. Of course, in turn, she ended up going this way via Aset, but prior to that, she had all her fingers in a ton of different pies.
But, my head kept getting stuck on the sacred whore paradigm I was focusing on her. It mainly had to do with one of her epithets, Mistress of the Vulva, but also because I was sorely against working on any of the sex stuff. Yes, I have issues. Yes, I know I need to fix those issues. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be willing and capable of working on it. One thing that those epithets and myths do not tell you about Hetharu is that she is pretty fucking patient when she wants to be.
I guess we could say that the motherhood thing has some merit in fact.
Recently, I decided that while I enjoy her place on my altar and that, one day when I have a home large enough for such a thing, her relegation will be to a place on my home and hearth altar, but that’s effectively it. I don’t feel connected to her. I never really did. But then again, if I really get down to it, I associate my connections on the same level I have with Sekhmet. The level I have with her… is mind-blowing. If there was a way to describe how I feel about my primary goddess, then I have yet to find that word. I’ve looked to others’ relationships with godspousery and all of that… and sometimes, I think how I feel about Sekhmet is akin to what they have going on, but it’s so much more than that and not the same. We’re not married and we’re not going to be. Let’s just face it, I cannot describe how I work with Sekhmet, what I feel about Sekhmet, and all of that. I can only say that it is deep and it is everlasting. And I tend to look at relationships I have with other gods in relation to her and they all fail to come close.
Anyway, with that in the background, I kind of decided that while I enjoy her sphere of influences (baking, in my household) she pretty much was taking the furthest backseat ever. It wasn’t that I don’t want to work on the sex stuff, but I have other avenues that I have to work on first before I can even come into that mode of thought. And so, with my basic background still the sacred whore mindset, I began thinking about her today as I ate dinner. Now, let me just say this: I can bake like nobody’s business and will have a thermonuclear meltdown if what I’m baking turns out badly, but I pretty much can’t cook. I’ll let you in on a bigger secret: I can actually cook, and fine, but I prefer not to because I’m a lazy motherfucker.
I’ve been saying I can’t cook for so long that people actually believe it now. And I get irritated, now, as I step into a more full motherly role and house providing role that I forget that I really can cook. I’m used to saying that I can’t. I’m used to hearing that I can’t. And if you hear it and say it often enough, then it must be true correct? Wrong. I can actually cook. I may have to work on certain recipes and I may have to try my hand at something a time or two, but I can usually get it after only my second try. And as I was eating the delicious dinner I made tonight, I realized that Hetharu’s sphere of influence is a good deal larger than I had ever given her credit.
Sacred whore. That’s what I thought.
Mother, home, hearth. These are the areas that I forget and yet, she has more dominion here, in my life, than I realize. I’m still too busy pigeon-holding my own fucking gods to get my head out of my ass to realize where they actually end up influencing me. And I guess, I guess as I sat there eating dinner, I needed to come to that realization.