I have a heart palace. I’ve never used this term before. I’ve never really understood the term before or what everything that Dusken told me about when she did an astral trip for me in early July. I knew that what she was describing to me was important. Since then, I’ve tried to imagine the place that she went to in order to retrieve a portion of my soul. Since then, I’ve tried to see what my heart palace looked like, on the outside as well as on the inside. I’ve tried to explain away all of the little things that it signifies with rationality, but it’s a problem. How can one be rational and scientific when you’re faced with the knowledge that not only have you lived a past life, and your mother was one of the most premier rules of the 18th Dynasty, but that it’s still a part of you in some way? Rationality withers in the face of this.
After Dee did her thing for me, as I said, I’ve tried to imagine what that place looks like. It hasn’t just been about the inside, which is still a foreign concept to me and may just remain that way. The outer doors to this palace were in the heart of the statue I’ve placed an image of here. The statue, the heart palace’s outer doors so to speak, is not crumbling. It has not met the face of time and been wounded into the battle. It is pure. It is whole. It is wrought of gold. The statue also is as big, in my mind’s eye, as the Great Pyramids in its reliquary of past kings of ancient Egypt. It lives in a place of solitude and an attitude of worship is necessary to enter there. This statue is where I placed part of my soul after my life ended in ancient Egypt all those centuries ago. I think my then-self placed it in the care of my mother for she loved me dearly and I knew that she would guard what I was placing there – bits of myself – as strongly as she had guarded me in that life. Too, where else would a knowledgeable priestess put her pieces if not in the hands of the living god on earth who she loved more than anything? I think that was the basic thoughts behind why my heart palace resides in a statue of my then-mother.
There is a temple within that heart palace. In that temple, Dee saw the statues of Sekhmet, Sutekh, and Heru. When she told me this, my initial belief was that it had to do with not just who I was back then but who I am in general. I believed that the imagery of Sutekh and Heru hearkened back to the days when I was of the royal household. Both, prior to Sutekh’s demonization over the years, were royal guardians in their own right. I assumed the statues had more to do with past lives and these gods being the most important gods in those past lives. Obviously, Sekhmet has more bearing now than she probably did back then (although I couldn’t say for sure how correct that is). I left it at that.
I was wrong.
Dee told me today after a brief conversation that I had been called a “child of Sutekh.” My initial response to this was pretty much denial and negativity. I shook my head (as though she could see it). There was no way I was a child of Sutekh. It wasn’t that I was hoping to deny it and therefore make it true. I couldn’t see a damn thing about myself that would even remotely have been proved to make me a child of his. I was not chaotic or tricksy or any of that jazz. I was falling into the patterns we see amongst other Kemetics – Sutekh is the evil! Some days, I forget that I’m supposed to be more broad minded about my own religion. After a while, I started thinking more intently with what she was saying. “A child of Sutekh.”
And I’m beginning to rethink the purpose behind that particular aspect to my heart palace. Maybe it’s not just a reliquary for my soul portions, given to those gods. Maybe it has more to do with a reminder that I am a child of all three of them, in some manner or another. I couldn’t be sure, of course, but there’s a feeling here… a feeling that I should pay closer attention to where my thoughts are headed.
Also, I hear laughter in my head and it’s not the Old Man’s guffaw.