It’s almost as if that, now that I have a way to listen to music with my tablet, my OTHERS™ are using the shit out of this. Let’s talk about the day I was doing a Quick Mix radio blast on my tablet via Pandora. This meant that the one time I wanted to listen to Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye got added to this mixture and I ended up hearing things like Rihanna and Maroon 5. I don’t mind Maroon 5 (but skipped most of Rihanna’s stuff). I got to dance around to Moves Like Jagger while cleaning my bathroom. It was great and hilarious and tuckered me out faster than just the usual shit I try to dial into via YouTube on my cell phone. Since I liked Moves Like Jagger, the next song that came up was Payphone by Maroon 5. I had heard it once, in passing, on MTV and then again, on VH1 some time later. I like the music; I like the voice; I could do without the rap; I like the beat; I also love these lines, if ‘happily-ever-after did exist, I would still be holding you like this. All those fairy tales are full of shit. One more fucking love song, I’ll be sick. If I happen to be flipping stations on the radio when I drive TH out to east bumfuck (literal place, I swear) then I hope that I get this song.
So, of course, you know this means that one of my OTHERS™ thought it would be TERRIFIC to get this song in my head today. It took me a minute or two to figure out who that was – I couldn’t help but assume it was Hekate to begin with since she apparently loves Gotye, so I assumed she just liked using pop to get her point across – and a conversation with someone who has no idea what the fuck is going on in my life before I figured it out. Cue a smidge of back story.
Yesterday, I asked for a reading about my relationship. I can’t do readings for myself, which I’ve discussed a time or two. I just don’t have the stuff to get through the process and “go clinical” about it. In effect, what it comes down to is that I don’t have the mental fortitude to sit back and clearing say this, this, and this is happening. I usually need help in all personal readings, but this is especially true when it comes to relationship stuff. The thing is that I don’t usually want to know about relationship stuff. It’s actually a pretty big thing if you find out that I’m asking because normally, I just flow it when it comes to my relationship with TH. I spent too much time trying to see when it came to some of my past relationships and I don’t want to do that anymore. Besides, who the fuck wants to see the end coming at you from a mile away only to find out you were wrong? I won’t get into what the reading meant because, really, it’s no one’s business. But I will show you what the reading looked like.
I will tell you this. The reading wasn’t, like, very happy or anything but it wasn’t like, “Bitch, you best be leaving now,” either. So, I sat around to ponder it. I was pretty despondent. I didn’t like the reading at all. And as though the universe felt the need to laugh at me, I received a message from the universe this morning regarding my relationship. (THE UNIVERSE IS LAUGHING AT ME – AND YOU TOO CAN HAVE IT LAUGH AT YOU.) “For as long as you wish to keep them in your life, Sat, whoever they may be, understanding them, as opposed to changing them, will wildly improve the chances that they’ll wish to keep you in their life.” This isn’t the complete antithesis or anything of what TRB had to tell me about my relationship, but it didn’t exactly go hand-in-hand with her reading, either. And I was just kind of like, “What the fuck, universe? What the fuck?” That’s about the time that Payphone entered my head and now refuses to get out. (Yes, I am listening to it on endless repeat while I write this.)
So after my conversation with the person about stuff that had nothing to do with the song in my head, I realized I had to sit down in shrine and talk to someone about it. That someone was Hetharu. I mean, come on. Why it didn’t come to me earlier is beyond me? Perhaps, it’s just that I’m so used to going to the movers and the shakers in my life – Legba, Sekhmet – that I tend to relegate her to a background role. This is wrong and stupid and silly. If anyone was going to do anything about love and relationships, it would be Hetharu. Sure, I bet Aset would like to get into that and maybe Mut, as well, as a mother divinity. But, really, Hetharu should have been my fist guess. I suppose I just got hung up on the fact that Hekate likes pop music to communicate with me.
The cards I received were the Eight of Wands reversed, the Seven of Cups, and the Eight of Disks reversed. Now, the book that comes with this Tarot deck is all about people and doing things. There are very few esoteric meanings or anything that I am specifically looking for. I did look up the meanings in the little book, but grew frustrated. So, I went to my all-purpose book that I use with my EVERYONE GETS A READING BUT ME Tarot deck. The general interpretations for each card (in order) are wasted energy, lack of focus, cutting corners. This left me feeling like a complete idiot for not quite catching the whole point. This is when I scrapped my idea of using Clive’s Tarot deck to communicate with Hetharu. (It wasn’t my first choice, but I thought I’d give it a shot since it’s just sitting in my spooky cabinet.) I ended up going back to the deck I preferred.
I actually prefer this deck, primarily, because I’ve used it so extensively that I tend to remember what the cards mean without looking them up. I also recall who belongs to what specific card still. (For example, my ex-husband’s card tended to be the Heru card while TH is usually associated with Djehuti.) So, the cards I received during this next attempt were Djehuti, Anpu reversed, and Nut reversed. I looked up each card for a meaning, although I knew that the first card was TH. The Anpu card warns of shallowness, being overly interested in material gain, not enough thought is being exercised. I felt I knew what this was pertaining to. The last card, Nut was disbelief, giving up, black thoughts. And of course, I understood the point behind this as well.
Nothing is as it seems, more or less. I have to mix all of these readings into a single coherent strain. And when I do that, I think, the fucking song will be out of my head.
I’ll look forward to that second.