So, the song is back. I’ve mentioned this song before and I’ve linked below to the entry pertinent. The thing is that the song came back a few days ago. I mentioned in a kind of off-hand way that it was back in my head to my online friends and to the Sister. I woke up with it some time this past week. It doesn’t matter the when. I knew what the point was. It was time to talk to Hekate. I put it off. I let the weekend go and then, this morning, I had enough. The song was influencing my everything. I couldn’t listen to random songs while cleaning – I had to hear this one because nothing else was helping my flow and nothing else would shut out the ear worm. I couldn’t do anything online without having this song on. So, today, I finally decided it was time to admit that this particular ear worm wasn’t just a simple, “hey, that song is totally bitchin’ so let’s hear it on endless repeat,” but an honest message from Hekate. I sat down and asked her what it was she wanted.
The literal meaning behind the Reincarnation card is as follows. “When this card appears it addresses renewal or return. This card speaks of restoring vitality, creating new forms, or beginning a new life. It also indicates enlightenment arising from the trials that one has faced and passed through.” Now, while I do know that I need to definitely look into restoring my vitality, especially as of late with my very lackluster performance in most arenas of my life, I tend to think of this card in relation to the shadow work Hekate has assigned me. It was via a past life that the current batch – in regards to my ex-husband – began. So, whilst it probably does have something to do with actually moving on to the next phase in my life and beginning over without the ex in it as well as the need to revitalize myself, I do believe that this is her telling me that I’m working backwards. I haven’t done any actual work in regards to my ex since early August (link below). So, I think this is her reminding me that I do have an open task to hand and I haven’t done much more with it.
The Pentagram card is a new one; I haven’t received it yet. The literal meaning… “When this card appears it addresses matters of creativity and manifestation. The card reflects the ability to create in accord with mind, body, and spirit. Therefore the pentagram calls upon us to direct the manifestation of the things in our lives. The caution is to balance the accumulation of material gain with one’s spiritual values. … The card calls to us to be aware of our resources and the tools we can use to achieve our goals…” Now, at first, I considered this may have something to do with my ability to write out what bothered me most about my past and then re-writing it into a satisfactory conclusion. (I’ve done this a few times and it’s helped me to work through a lot of my traumas, actually.) But, while I liked to focus entirely on the word creativity, I knew that she wasn’t interested in all of that. It seems to me that I’ve had the resources and have either overlooked them or I’ve been misusing them. It’s like all of that fun stuff when I talk about hoarding the spoons but recently, I just haven’t been doing that. It’s why I’m just so burned out and tired of fighting.
The last card was the Broom card and its literal meaning… “When this card appears in a reading it addresses rising above our limited vision and perception… The card calls to us to deal with what is happening instead of investing energy in understanding why… The broom calls us to clean and clear away the debris in and around us. The broom suggestions that we tidy up our world, remove what no longer services us, and banish the cobwebs that have collected due to our inaction…” The actual meaning behind it, in the book, is pretty long. But these were the core concepts that I took away from the reading itself. I’ve been so focused on figuring out the why of things that I ignore the actual work that needs to proceed to get into it. It’s not just the shadow work with the ex-husband, either. I’ve been doing this in my mundane life – more so than I care to admit, really – on a damn regular basis. Why am I unemployed? Why can’t I get my kid into preschool? Why aren’t the services put into place for poor people helping me? None of that matters.
The other thing is that while I am doing some of the work, or I did at least, I didn’t do the clearing out that I should have. I didn’t take my metaphysical broom and sweep out the cobwebs from the newly opened space. So, while I can do the work all I want, what’s the point if I fill up the creepy shadows with new shit to work on at some future point in time?
The thing is that just the thought of approaching the next section of work, which relates to the ex, tires me out that much more. I need to do the revitalizing part before I can move on. The thing here is that I just have to figure out what that exactly entails. Can I just assume that a nice, relaxing bath would suffice? Or is it more like I need a bath and a day all to myself and some pampering? Or, maybe, I just need to go for a super long walk and just say over and over and over again, “I release this shit. I revitalize as I go.” I’ll figure it out… and sooner as opposed to later, as evidenced by Hekate’s persistent ear worm.
So, in thanks for her gentle tap-tap to let me know I was being silly, I bought her a few presents. I’ve been seeing cardinals all over the damn place lately. I honestly haven’t seen much in the way of cardinals since I moved back up here from Texas the first time. As a kid, I remember seeing them in the winter at the bird feeders in our backyard. But recently, they just seem to be everything. I think this may be a general push that I need to work with a cardinal for an animal totem right now. I’m not sure, but if I tend to see a type of animal with such rapidity, I know I need to pay attention. So, as a kind of reminder as well as since I know she likes the color red, I bought Hekate a cardinal.
And when I saw the star-shaped candle holder? How could I resist knowing she had a happy star bottle hanging out on her altar space? And it holds my taper candles without them falling over, so what a bonus!