I needed to write this stuff down before I forgot.
1. Yesterday, I stepped outside and had the most intense feeling of vertigo I’ve ever had. I don’t have them often, but when I do… The thing is that it wasn’t actually vertigo that I was feeling. It had that horrible wishy-washy feel that makes you want to throw up, but it was far more invasive and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I sat heavily down on the front steps. The reason I say it wasn’t vertigo is because it felt like the connections that hold me to my body were wrong and I couldn’t see, taste, touch, smell, or hear anything properly. The colors were muted and yet, too vibrant. The sounds were like they were coming at me from underwater. I’ve considered this experience a bit since that moment and I think it was my body and my soul trying to re-connect the joints, so to speak. I think I may have done some astral shenans in my sleep and I wasn’t as fully back in my body enough to handle the outside as well as I can the inside. Inside the house is all very controlled environment, normal things to hear and taste and touch. Outside the house is not controlled by me in any way and so, therefore, can overtake the senses especially if they’re not fully in your control again.
2. I saw a woman standing beside my bookcase last night. She was watching me from the safety, the shelter of the darkness of the hallway but peering at me around the wall in a very coy manner. This is one of the first times I have had an experience like this that didn’t end in my freaking the fuck out. I take that as a step in the right direction. She was wearing all white and her hair was carefully pinned back from her face. She was curious about me, but when I looked at her directly, she skittered out of my line of sight or perhaps, went back to the realm she is more used to. Speaking with friends about this, we’ve decided this is a visitation from a mutual astral friend of theirs, who I will call A.S. since there are some weird shenans about name-giving. This particular woman has a thing for mothers, wounded women, and children. I tend to fall into two of those three categories, or technically, all three since I do have a child. I left her some tea last night as a “HEY. HOW ARE YOU DOING. LET’S CHAT WHEN YOU’RE LESS SCARED OF ME.”
3. I saw an astral fly on a book TH bought me for my birthday. The book is Temples of Ancient Egypt. It’s one of the books that was recommended to me aeons ago and I finally received it. Anyway, it was definitely a fly body but it was insubstantial like the black bugs that I saw all those times before and assumed I was crazy. It was sitting on the book and twitched its wings before it disappeared. I was staring at that corner for so long, I was getting watery eyes and after images. I blinked and walked away. I had decided that my black bug thing had to do with a cosmic calling card of GTFO than anything else. I didn’t like the possibilities with that decision. Obviously, I was too precipitous in my decision-making in regards to the astral bugs that I see and now must decide upon their meaning on a case by case basis. (OH. JOY.) I saw the bug, again, later on the wood slats that adorn the half wall that hides TH’s computer shit from the living area. It twitched its wings at me a few times and then disappeared. I discussed this with those friends I mentioned (Devo and L). It was decided that I should probably read the book sooner as opposed to later. I said I would once I finished the short, The Body, by Stephen King. (IT USUALLY TAKES ME A DAY OR LESS TO READ THAT SHORT, DEPENDING BUT NOW IT IS TAKING LONGER BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS OF FINDING SOMETHING PAST LIFE RELATED IN THAT FUCKING BOOK.) It was also decided that the fly was either just a signpost about the book or it may have been the fae, although it was mentioned that fae tend to be colored dots as opposed to black flies.
4. To cover all my bases, I left out tea for A.S., cupcakes for each of the Marassa, and milk with honey for the fae.
5. I keep dreaming about my online friends telling me shit that I can’t understand. I think, honestly, these dreams are precursors to astral shenans that I can’t remember in the morning. I tend to feel just as tired as I do upon rising as I did when I went to bed and I always need a nap in the mid-afternoon to recoup energy loss that shouldn’t be happening. In all honesty, I don’t know where this belief comes from but it just came to me and seemed worth writing down for future consideration.
6. My sacral chakra keeps cramping like a whore whenever I try to work energy into it. I have to keep this up. I can’t stop. I know it’s working. And it’s important that I work this closed chakra. It’s important. I cannot forget the breathing exercises that are working.