After connecting with someone else’s Deadz, I ignored everything around me for a while. Getting back from that particular energy drain is pretty difficult. It took some serious snuggles with my little man while watching mind-numbing television before I felt remotely able to do more than laze around. In all honesty, I was not back to normal from that and I’m still not, actually. I realized this yesterday when my new found cheerful attitude was exceptionally flagging. I was tired. I was cranky. I was snarky. I was bitchy. And while it’s coming up to that time of the month, the energy flag that I was feeling didn’t have the same ring and feel as when it’s that time of the month. There was definitely something different going around and it was only today after INTERESTING THINGS clicked in my brain pan that I realized I hadn’t bounced back from the Deadz chatter.
Then INTERESTING THINGS happened to me.
I received an E-mail from Amazon letting me know that my skull beads and Legba-lovin’ cowrie shell bracelet were going to be shipped sooner as opposed to later. I just figured that this was Legba’s doing. He’s pretty good about getting shit that may take forever to ship to come to him faster. (NOT JOKING. TWO WEEK WAIT ON HIS COFFEE CUP AND IT CAME IN LESS THAN A WEEK.) So, I ignored the whole thing and was just like, “Cool. Thanks Legba. I can wear you with me all the time once you solidify your relationship in the bracelet.” And he was all chortle-chortle. No big deal. And then something more interesting happened this morning and now I wonder what his chortling was about.
I woke up to that this morning. I took my old dog out to go to the bathroom and noticed that she was sniffing more intently around the tree in the “front” yard than normal. So, I wandered over there, still bleary-eyed from sleep when I happened upon the dead body of this little guy. I immediately had a flash back to when I was very young and my older next door neighbor boy showed me the maggot-infested body of a bird similar to this. I shuddered and I felt tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to touch it. I didn’t want to do anything other than cry for the death of this creature. This is the first real animal death on the property since I moved here nearly four years ago and it’s been a long while since I’ve had to stare animal death in the face. And by long while, I mean since I was 18 and just before I moved to Texas. So, over ten years. And while I’ve seen dead baby birds on the sidewalk as I’ve walked and in the backyard at TH’s parents’ house, this… was different. It was raw. It was more in my face and I felt sorrow.
I’m not sure what all this means.
It could be coincidence, but it feels like more. That’s the thing – it’s only after the fact that you begin to connect the dots.
I’m going to bury this little guy beneath the tree where he lies. I will give his soul water and incense. I will bury him and see him into the next world… and hope that this isn’t some new path I have to tread but only the symbolic ending of shit in my mundane life.
Here’s to hoping.