In my post about my Anubis Oracle, I did mention that a moth flew out of the box that it’s in prior to my using it. The reason I mentioned it then was because it was important for this entry now. Before I get into it, I’m going to talk about some various things that have happened to me over the years that relate to bugs and whatnot. There’s a couple of instances.
1. When I was in high school, I was in an okay relationship with a guy. He was the first person I told when I realized I had been raped. Overall, our relationship was pretty shitty and whatnot, but in looking back at things, I see just how well he did with me and for me in regards to my emotional upheaval at learning I was raped. Anyway, he wasn’t the best boyfriend in the world although he was very emotionally supportive, considering he was a teenager with an incomplete emotional repertoire. Anyway, while I was dating this guy, a mutual friend of ours made it very apparent that he would sweep me off of my feet and take me away from the boyfriend I had at the time. So, when that relationship ended catastrophically (no really, it was bad), the friend was there to do exactly as he had intended.
We were all hanging out one night and I believe we were at a bowling alley. We were outside and talking when he pulled his baseball cap off. I turned to look at him and say something to him and saw maggots crawling all over the top of his head. At the time, because I didn’t understand what the fuck I was seeing, I decided that it was lice. I’ve since seen maggots in various media outlets and have realized that, you know, what I was seeing was actually maggots covering his head. I remember turning to look at him and seeing them, turning away, and then they were gone after that. I never saw them again. That guy and I did end up dating and it ended pretty badly too. I promptly forgot about the maggot episode until only a few days ago.
2. When I was living in Texas, I didn’t see TH very often at all. We worked opposing shifts and only had one day off together. It was hard on the two of us, especially with a new baby in the mix. Our relationship hadn’t really solidified prior to learning that I was pregnant, so we never got to really work on things or discover things the way normal couples did. Anyway, it got pretty bad for a while with the two of us only really seeing each other in passing and one day a week. I don’t think we ever had sex during that period, either, but I could be wrong. All I know is that it was pretty fucked up and bad and I remember being sad all the time when I was at home because I was without TH, raising a kid by myself (or so it felt), and missing out on companionship. It was around this time that I began to see little black bugs crawling around at the corners of my vision.
They weren’t like real bugs, but not-solid black bugs. They kind of reminded me of cockroaches or what Texans refer to as “palmetto bugs.” (If you get creeped out my cockroaches, don’t click the link.) I just assumed we had some palmetto bugs in the apartment and left it at that. I remember, clearly, knowing that the bugs weren’t actually real. And I also remember not saying a damn thing to anyone about anything because I was seriously scared that I was cracking up. When we decided to move back up north, the bugs disappeared.
3. TH and I lived in his parents’ basement for a little over a year before we finally found the apartment we’re in today. (Shitty, fucking, small as hell apartment.) It was really bad living there. I didn’t know his family at all prior to moving in. His mother was very nice and kind and everything to me but she was also very big on getting us out. I can understand that. It’s hard living in a house with a family unit already in place and then a second family unit coming in to “stay for a bit.” When things started to get really bad and I fell into such a deep, dark, angry place, I began to see the there-but-not-there black bugs that I had seen in Texas. Only this time, I knew there wasn’t a bug infestation of any kind. And the seeing was more sporadic living in that basement than it was when we were down south. I still didn’t see anything to anybody about them because, again, I figured I was going insane.
4. I have beg bugs and a serious ant infestation. Also, flies and spiders and moths are just magically appearing in my apartment. This has been going on since the change of the weather, so I didn’t really connect anything.
So, the other night, I was speaking with K and L about the Anubis Oracle deck. I wanted to tell them about the moth in the box because that’s just weird, right? The box had been unopened since, I believe, the last time I lived in TH’s parents’ basement, which is almost four years ago now. I never felt a single instance to open up the box and peer inside. I just moved the box around from room to room, from drawer to drawer, until they finally ended up in my spooky cabinet when I put that into use last year. L reminded me that moths couldn’t live that long so it was probably not a real moth. It sure looked real – a lot more real than the black bugs I remembered seeing in the basement and down south. (It’s gone now. I have no idea where it went off to.) Anyway, I didn’t doubt that she was correct about the lifespan of moths or anything. What I really wanted to know is what the fuck this shit is about bugs.
And we finally have a winner for an answer.
It would appear that when I see these kinds of things, it’s like a sort of cosmic note that says, Get the fuck out of Dodge. Until now, I haven’t known that and so, things get progressively worse until I reach the breaking point. Now, it’s just a matter of paying closer attention…