The title is a quote from the song, Wonderful by Everclear.
Things have been pretty difficult for me lately. I’ve gone through a very long, long period where I focused almost exclusively on my spiritual and religious life. It was the driving force after my firing from my last job. It was something that gave me solace during a very dark and dreary time, while I was fighting with the company for my unemployment for so long and having to contend with all manner of mundane things that I’d rather not go into here. The thing is that I’ve had to realize that I’m not as focused on it as I once was. The work on fixing who I am and what I want to be is at a near stand-still with all of the mundane things going on. I hardly update this blog with things any more, even though I have ideas… they’re just difficult to get out. It was only today that I realized how heavily depressed I’m feeling – with the culmination of calling my mommy to make me feel better – without the strength of contact with my spiritual shenanigans.
I realized how long it had been since I sat down in front of Hekate’s altar. I go through the motions, though. I stop off and look at her now and again. I do the same with the main altar that houses Sekhmet, Legba, and Hetharu. I give those three their daily offerings, although I don’t say anything to them. It’s just the repetition that I’m used to, so it feels off somehow if I don’t do those things. I get the ladies their water. I get him his coffee. I work through my day and I hardly stop to connect or communicate. It’s not that I don’t want to but that I’m so busy going through the motions and contending with all the absolute shit that is my mundane life. I don’t have the time or the energy. I feel so drained now and it’s only eight o’clock… and the kicker is that I napped earlier!
So, realizing how drained I am and how completely upset I am by all the mundane and how I’m not as intent in my spirituality, I sat down in front of Hekate this evening. It’s the first time in three days. I said I was sorry, but I got the impression that she understood. She is, after all, watching me in some way or another. She may not be watching all the time but I’ve talked to her about the mundane shit – not often, but when the pressure is overwhelming – so she’s aware of all the shit I have going on at home. So, I sat down and I said I was sorry and it felt like that was all right. She’s waiting on something from me, although I’m not sure what. (I’m wondering if it’s the turning of the star bottle into a witch’s bottle or me finding something that she may want daily… Booze, maybe?) That wasn’t the point to all of this, though. It wasn’t figuring out what she wanted or what I had to do, but to figure out why this mundane pressure is all over me.
You know what she said?
Things are cycles. Everything is in a cycle. You’ve spent nearly a year working diligently on various projects of a spiritual or religious nature. You’ve completely ignored the mundane and spent most of these last few months in the clouds. That’s why the astral was so close to you not that long ago. You were on the verge, but everything is a cycle. This world, the next world, my world. Everything. It’s time to deal with the mundane cycle, as much as it sucks. Otherwise, the pressure will build and you’ll explode before you can deal with what you need to deal with to get back on track.
And that’s when I heard the lyrics in my head from Everclear. (It’s one of my favorite bands and I blast their best hits endlessly in the car.) That’s when I realized that someday, everything will be wonderful.