How many times have you gotten ready to go to church and then just felt like you couldn’t go through with it? Maybe it was all the sinning you did the night before. Maybe it was just the fact that walking into a room with a bunch of other believers was making you nervous. Maybe it had to do with the fact that your dressy outfit wasn’t quite as dressy as you think it was. Maybe you did your hair and makeup wrong and didn’t have the time to go back and redo what you needed to look “presentable.” Maybe you just can’t stomach the idea of an hours’ long sermon this week, as well. But, maybe the reality is that churches… what do you need those for?
In Kemetism, we haven’t had a legit temple to pray in for thousands of years and yet, the religion is still standing. We’re happy, cheerful people with a deep, fulfilling relationship with our gods. Not only do we give them offerings of whatever we desire (instead of giving money in a golden covered collection plate), from Lindt candy bars to soda, from incense sticks to blood, from pretty rocks we find on the ground to hymns we write ourselves, but we also don’t have to walk into a building that was built on the sweat and blood of people who have long since died. We get to stay at home, in the AC in summer and the warmth in winter. We get to encourage a deep, thrilling, meaningful relationship with icons in a setting that we’re more comfortable with. That way, we don’t have to sit around and have people judging us, from what we wear to what we say, even though the Bible clearly states you really shouldn’t do that. So, if you’re sick to death of having to get up, get gussied up, and meet up with the Nameless Deity, then why don’t you come right on over to Kemetism?
It is, after all, the World’s Greatest Religion!
And this officially ends the mini-blogging project that I agreed to. However, you may just want to keep on reading my blog because, maybe, just maybe, I’ll keep it up on a weekly basis. It seems that my readers thoroughly enjoyed this exercise. And to be perfectly frank, so did I! Aside from the creepy smile I wear on my face when I’m writing these entries (circa bad infomercial actresses), I got a good kick out of everything people recommended I write about as well as the laugh out loud, rollicking good time I was having. So, keep your eyes peeled. You may get more parody entries in the long term…