Some Misconceptions I Just Realized I Have.

Remember how, for a while, I was always going on about how we should write about the things we do in the arena of mistakes and in those moments when we have Fallow Times? This is kind of one of those posts, only instead of actually talking about my mistakes, I’m going to start getting down and dirty with some misconceptions I’ve come across in recent days. This is all because of various posts in The Island of Misfit Pagans, a group on Facebook. We’ve had a bunch of new members join and everyone is bringing some totally fucking kickass discussions to the table. Some of those made me realize that I have some misconceptions, which others may or may not share, and I’m not really sure where they come from. So let’s work through them together!

You can ask your OTHERS™ for help guarding your house.

Legitimately, that was my first real reaction when I saw someone say that today. I just kind of took a mental step back and stared at my phone for a good five minutes before trying to process this. My instinctual, gut, visceral reaction to this statement was not just complete disbelief but a definite no. I’m not saying that others don’t do this or that it’s wrong. I don’t care what others do in their spiritual lives, unless it means shitting on or desecrating others’ beliefs. (Then? This bitch gets mad.) I just couldn’t think of why I would ask Legba, Sekhmet, or Hetharu to do this on my behalf. I never really realized, I guess, that my relationship to all of them was more servile than I had always imagined it to be. It seemed like it was pretty damn presumptuous for me to inquire as to whether they would help me with this. I mean, don’t they have more important things to be doing than guarding my house? And isn’t that, like, my job to do anyway since I live in this physical plane and they live, well, wherever they live?

While mulling this over and re-reading what I’ve written already, I realized where all of this comes from. A part of it is that while I definitely serve the Old Man, even if our relationship tends to be more buddy-buddy than you’d find in most cases (I assume), I always considered myself a servant of my gods, as well. Someone once tried to explain the relationship between worshiping the gods and serving the lwa in this regard: You work with, help, get help, and give to the gods. You are in service to the lwa. That may be the case in that person’s particular situation, but it doesn’t appear to be the case for me. I’m definitely a servant of Sekhmet and Hetharu and even, Mut. I am their representative here and I give them the things, I feel, they need to interact more easily on this plane of existence. I never really realized, but I think that’s what I feel the extent of my relationship with them is. I am a vessel that aids them and little else. That means that I can’t possibly ask of them to do things like guard my house or even, you know, help me when it comes to magic.

Oh, yes. This all ties into my lack of magic.

Someone once ordered me to turn to the Ghede when both my son and I was sick. I had never asked Sekhmet or the Ghede for aid in this manner before. And while it’s not magic from a witchcraft sense, to me, it all is. Even if you’re just asking for a little help from the Deadz and a goddess of healing, it ties in with magic (in my head). And I never thought to turn to them for this because it seemed… wrong, somehow. I am something that helps them and not vice versa. I think this actually may stem from my self-esteem problems. I think so negatively of myself that in service to my OTHERS™, I can’t possibly ask them to help me with things like magic or healing or guarding my house. I don’t deserve that kind of assistance, maybe. And it’s a misconception on so many fucking levels. I don’t even know where to start with fixing that… so I won’t. I’ll leave it alone for now and tell you about Misconception #2.

You can open up your God-Phone and say you’re sorry to Ganesha.
My first thought on this one was, okay, well how the fuck do I do that? (Not to sound bitchy or anything.) It’s only been in the last week that I realized my God-Phone was on in any way. And the only reason I realized it was because I stopped letting the self-imposed blinders do what they’ve been doing for so long. I stopped worrying about everything and just really listened to what my insides have been trying to tell me for a very long time. (Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m not the most intuitive person on the planet.) But aside from realizing that it’s in tune with the OTHERS™ who share my living space in any way, I don’t know how to tune it, so to speak, to other OTHERS™.

Case in point, I know that I’ve communicated or been talked/ordered by the Sister’s OTHERS™. Most specifically, both Aphrodite and Hermes have poked and prodded me when they want something and she’s been dense about it. So, I know that there are gods and whatnot out there that can tap into my frequency and talk to me, but how do I willfully do that? I mean. I’ll be so incredibly honest here that people might not want to continue reading after this: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING ABOUT 85% OF THE TIME. I’m on sure ground with some things, such as what kind of stuff to give to the Old Man and Sekhmet and Hetharu. (I still have no idea about Mut or even what her roll in my life is.) But when it comes to talking with gods and spirits and the lwa, I always figured it had more to do with meditation and astral stuff and all the things that I don’t or can’t do. (I haven’t decided if all of that stuff is a “don’t” or a “can’t.”) I’ve obviously learned that isn’t the case, but if that’s true, then how do I turn my antenna to someone new?

Or even someone who is new but not really because you pissed him off so badly that you wanted to hide under a rock for twenty years if/when he’s mentioned in conversation?

The misconception in this case is that I can’t do it. Obviously, I can in some way or another because I do it, without realizing it, with the Sister’s gods. I do it with her gods a lot of the time, actually. So, obviously I can do it but I just haven’t learned how to do the willful aspect of it. I don’t know how to distinctly turn it on, distinctly wave my satellite dish around, and distinctly communicate with a god who isn’t close to me in any way. Again, these I “can’t” thing has to do with my self-esteem issues, I’m almost positive here. I’m so used to feeling like I’ll never succeed at X, Y, or Z that I also assume likewise in my spiritual life. And it’s obviously keeping me backed up against a wall in cases like this. This is something that I have to work on and fix, but again, I’m not really sure how.

Not everyone can meditate.

I can’t meditate to save my life. I’ve tried about a hundred thousand times in a million different ways. The only thing I’ve kept back on is the whole guided meditation thing, the reason being that I don’t have a way to hear the guided meditations. (Nope. No iPod and my phone is too shitty to let me do stuff like that. And no, there is no radio in my house. Plus, you know, the whole being a parent things makes it doubly hard for time for myself, never mind time for myself and meditation.) And I’m at my breaking point with trying any more. I’ve been trying to do this for almost ten years now and it’s really getting old. If I can’t meditate without a guided meditation, then really, is it something I want to do in the first place?

But, it was mentioned that there are just certain people who can’t.

And I’ve read a thousand websites about meditating and whatnot, all of which are out to get me because they all tell me that I “can.” I just have to be in the “right mindset.” Yeah, well. Try to raise a kid, a husband, be without a job, have to fix your car, and living in a shit-box apartment. I’m sure none of those are helping with the “right mindset.” And honestly, I’m such a negative person that I doubt I’d be able to get into the “right mindset” anyway. But, I’ll take the idea that I can’t do it because I don’t have the right parts, any day, over being told that I just have to “keep at it.” If I see one more flowery, scripted, happy-go-lucky word about how I’m not trying hard enough or something, I’d be pretty much likely to either punch a kitten or pull out my hair. Either one would leave me feeling like shit afterward and honestly, that’s how my being “unable” to meditate makes me feel… like shit.

I think the misconception here is that anyone can make a fucking website nowadays and too often, we see all of these people going on about how “happy” they all are. (I have a point, I swear.) All the time on my Facebook page, I see people posting things about how we just have to strive for happiness and that we have to love ourselves completely and then everything else will fall into place. Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth. That’s not what life is about, as far as I’m concerned. And no amount of meditating or learning to “love” myself is going to make my life ten times better. Even if I do suddenly realize that I am an awesome person and that I do love myself, that’s not going to make the fact that I live in a shit-box apartment, have to fix my car, am still job-less, the hubby is still job-less, and that I don’t receive handouts at all (except in the form of clothes or toys for my kid) any fucking easier to handle. I might smile a little more, though.

Okay, side-rant over.

Just because someone says it on a website doesn’t necessarily make it true.


14 thoughts on “Some Misconceptions I Just Realized I Have.

  1. I enjoyed this post thoroughly xD
    When it comes to the house protection thing–I honestly still to this day can’t bring myself to ask anyone other than myself to protect it. I had one spirit come in and vouch for the job (literally was like “let me be the house guardian, I need something to do), but even then I don’t like to put my life on their plate. I get you in that sense. But at the same time, as some of my “friends” ( I don’t want to call them patrons or guides, because the relationship is not like that) pointed out, if my house or my life is in shambles, then communicating with them is going to be twice as hard. So they’ll take an interest on some level in order to ensure that there is a good foundation for spiritual work. And my most prevalent “friends” lately has been poking me going, IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP. REALLY. But i’m stubborn. so I won’t. >: p

    And in terms of the meditation thing–I totally fucking hear you on that. I can meditate, but my brother has serious health problems and needs attention 24/7, my parents are busy as hell, we’ve been sucking wind financially FOREVER, and between my brother’s care and my parents trying to keep the roof over our heads, AND i just graduated college so I’m handling my brother, helping my parents, and trying to do paying jobs, there is just NO. TIME. at alllll. No solid time to sit down and “focus”.
    I eventually had to learn how to streamline astral shenans WHILE doing 10000 other things. Meditation is a luxury. Those of us with life obligations know that sparkly happy meditation land is just physically out of our reach. The closest you’ll get to meditation in a busy life is sleep—and if you do dream work, well then that’s out the damn window too.

    Anyway, I’m glad to see the wheels in your mind spinning.

    Also I realize that when I said get your god phone out it probably sounded way easier said than done, and I apologize for that. I also wouldn’t worry about trying to get it to work. If it ain’t workin—move on. When the time is right, either an outside being will knock down your door with the god phone in hand going “I”VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS, PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE”, or you’ll find that maybe your methods of doing things don’t require a god phone, or it doesn’t need to be your priority right now. Also I find the more you work on yourself and the things important to you as a human being and your growth here—the more the god phone opens up itself.

    AH SORRY I WROTE A NOVEL FOR A COMMENT AGAIN. 8D I just love posts like these. It breaks your brain. xD

    • After I was reading the posts (again) and after I was pondering the whole asking of my OTHERS™ to help me out there, I felt Legba go, “So. Are you going to ask?” And I shied away from the question. He’s been quiet since then. I don’t know what all that means but it’s kind of weird.

      I like novel comments!

  2. Like Larissa said above me, some Spirits want to guard your home. They see it as a way to be in a family of sorts. Sorta like adopting a kitten from the shelter. You adopt this spirit and show appreciation (by thanking it and or making an offering every now and again). Be specific though in asking what you want as some can take the initiative. For example you might ask that they keep out uninvited guests. So your bestie shows up at your house unannounced and starts to walk up the steps, only to be turned away by a distinct feeling of dread or fear. This is the Guardian acting in your behalf. My personal Guardian (the one I was born having) does this and people often say they feel “creeped out” by me. I scare them for reasons they cannot fathom and thus avoid me. Same things happens when clairvoyants “peek” at me, they get frightened off by my Guardian. So make sure you are specific when asking for certain protections and make sure you mention who (if anyone is exempt) from these security protocols.

    As for meditation. It took me some time to realize I couldn’t meditate just by sitting down and half closing my eyes and doing a breathing technique. There are many ways to meditate, one of them is by actually performing a very boring mundane task, like running a spinning wheel for example. Your mind will tune out while your hands work and you’ll go into a relaxed state. I do this sometimes to get much needed REM sleep, but for only 15 minutes at a time. Also you might try using a focus, such as Fire or sunlight reflected on water (like a lake of pond). It’s about allowing your mind to drift and not focusing your eyes on any one object. It’s the same as I mentioned before about those pictures that were put out in the 1990’s that had hidden pictures in them that you could only see by looking “past” the picture and simply unfocusing your eyes.

    As to being Happy. I recall reading somewhere that Buddhists believe life is all about suffering and learning to cope with it. Though I will say if you force your mind away from negative thoughts and onto the things you do have to be thankful for, the negative ones will intrude less and less. This has been one of my tools for combating Depression. Instead of focusing on what I don’t have or can’t do, I think of all the things I do have or can do or may yet do. This helps immensely but doesn’t cure the problem. I liken it to having a flashlight on you when in the darkness of Depression
    and that flashlight can help you find your way out, even if it doesn’t light up your entire surroundings.

  3. I think that gods can and will protect your house in some situations. I think the gods have energy vested in you- because while you’re there to help them- if they lose you, they have to go find someone else who is willing to do your work instead. So obviously they want to make sure that you’re functioning and able to do what needs to be done.

    So maybe you should consider that :P

    • The thing is that neither one of them have really asked me to do much except work on the sex stuff. And I understand that I have to work on that in an effort to aid my self-esteem, but I don’t really know how to work on it. I don’t like the whole therapy thing because of bad experiences with ex-therapists. I see that it works for some people, but it doesn’t feel like it works for me.

      In the mean time, I’m at a point where things are getting Fallow…

  4. *I see people posting things about how we just have to strive for happiness and that we have to love ourselves completely and then everything else will fall into place. Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth. *

    I do take this comment personally, especially because I already replied to your pretty-the-same-post on your other blog explaining why I disagree and while I don’t expect other people change their minds only because I say so, I don’t apprecciate this attitude to mock opinions you didn’t share, when they are perfectly valid for others and you know it. That, and I kinda expect that my friends online have respect for my opinion even when they don’t share it, instead of taking that my opinion and mocking it elsewhere.
    Throw up in your mouth all you want.

    • I wrote this verbal vomit prior to my other post. This was what got that other post going, actually. I didn’t regurgitate over here: I realized I had an opinion that came out here when it was better suited in my other blog.

      Look. I’m having a really shitty week. I’ve had a metric shit-ton of things I do well by ignoring piling down on me on top of the fact that the Sister? She’s a sudden invalid because she had too many seizures in a short time span. I am *not* doing well at all and while I’m sorry my bitter stew offended you, it was a way to deal with the press of too much at once.

      • It’s okay, I understand it. I think I had a moment where I flashed back to all of my past discussions over this same subject with my brother, so after I replied to that post of yours yesterday with what I perceived to be a ‘delicate’ part of my experience and then saw that here today, I felt a bit personally mocked.

        I do understand now that probably it was not the case… here, perfect example of how one’s personal past experiences can create unnecessary drama.

        I am sorry you and the sister are having an ugly week. I’ll try to send some energy your way and I hope stuff gets better soon for you both!

    • *Gives big middle finger to seastruckbythecrossroads*
      First of all this is Aub’s blog, not yours. She’s entitled to her own opinion and if you don’t like it, don’t fucking read it. What I am seeing in your post is despite your comment about you not expecting others to change their minds because you say so, your comment after that completely invalidates it.
      People are entitled to say what they want online. I have friends that disagree with me all the time and I myself welcome. This is how we grow as a person, through disagreement , through seeing things from another’s perspective by moving past our own limited view of the world. Being able to do this has enabled entire countries to abolish slavery, to ensure civil rights are upheld for all (even if those rights do not affect them).
      You’re offended by something someone said on the internet? You must be new here.

      One last thing. Friends do not always agree, nor are they always respectful of one another. We’re not automatons, we’re people with our own thoughts, feelings and motivations. If you can’t get that and not be offended by every little thing that comes our of someone’s mouth, then I encourage you to cancel your internet subscription for you will always be offended by someone. Also you really can’t expect Aubs to remember who is offended by what and tip toe around your feelings all the time. Shit happens, get over it.

      • I will KEEP YOUR IDIOTIC REPLY IN ALL THE CONSIDERATION IT DESERVES – NONE. If you allow it, I and Aubrey are perfectly able to handle our disagreements by ourselves without rude idiots getting in the way of a civil conversation. Thank you.

  5. This was a great post. I appreciated its frankness. I go through fallow times too, and I expect that I always will. For what it’s worth, think of it like the agricultural seasons. There isn’t always something blooming . Sometimes there’s just mud, or maybe a freeze of snow and ice. Quietness and sometimes dull misery. So don’t knock yourself out over it. I understand what you’re saying about having your Others guard your house. I can’t say I have especially done that with deities. However, I have just recently started asking for help for various things like protecting my family when I work with my beloved dead. My father, I will ask to watch over us for certain things. And my husband’s grand mother…welll…sometimes I ask her, “Get your grandson in line before I smother him in his sleep, okay? cool, thanks.” In return, I give them gifts and remember their names and say their names out loud regularly, as well as teaching the children about them. It’s a give and take relationship, like humans have in real life. Having said that, I don’t imagine just asking what I would call a deity or even a more advanced spirit to protect my home. Maybe I would. I am just not there yet. Maybe angelic beings except that I really don’t have relationships with any of them, except Michael and I don’t like to both him too much. As far as the meditation, I’m glad you feel relieved. I do it best with guided meditation and I use my iPod for that because OMG, I have no time to just sit and do this stuff. I do it at bedtime because that’s the only quiet time I have and at least 80% of the time, I fall asleep during it. Let it be what it is, or don’t try… rules about that. For those who can meditate their butts off, bully for them. But not all of us can do that all the time. Maybe we’re not all meant to. Don’t feel bad. And if you’re overwhelmed with any of your practice right now just trust your instincts andt ake that break. Trust. And be kind to yourself.

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