The above quote is a Chinese proverb.
A while back, I was told by someone who I had to start guiding the Sister in her spiritual practice. I balked, the moment I heard it. “I’m not a teacher. I have lofty ideals and dreams, but I’m not interested.” The person in question balked back and told me that I had better do it, with a grin, or do it, and whine about it. I decided to take the lowest road possible and leave little pushes now and again. I would push the Sister and say something like, What do your gods want? They’re bugging me; they want something. And she would say something or other, an excuse as to why it couldn’t happen or what she believed they may have wanted. Whether or not she followed through, I never followed up on myself. I would just leave it at that and assume she got the idea, or she didn’t. It was no sweat off my back, right? Right? Right? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. You see, yeah. I realized tonight that I had to teach her, show her, and push her more firmly. And I’m gritting my teeth (in a horrible facsimile of a grin, by the way) as I write this.
She’s having a rough time right now. She and her boyfriend broke up. I won’t get into it; it’s got no place here. The point is that she partially blames Aphrodite, her main patron, for this break up. “She’s forsaken me,” she told me earlier. I just kind of sat back and did my “whaaaaaaaaaaaaah?” I couldn’t believe she was saying this and believing it. Then she told me that Aphrodite had said, “KTHXBAI” a while back. The Sister’s living situation is, uh, rough at the moment. She hasn’t been able to properly give or prostrate or talk with Aphrodite. From what I’ve gathered of this particular patron, she’s pretty needy about these kinds of things. She doesn’t like being ignored, even if there’s a fairly valid reason for all of it. (Whether or not the reasons the Sister gave me are valid are not my place to say. I see her point. But, I can also see her patron’s, so…) But, I couldn’t believe that her goddess would break up her relationship just because. When the Sister told me that it wasn’t that, the goddess had forsaken her and that, if she were around, chances are the break up wouldn’t have happened, I could see where she felt that way.
But I couldn’t help but point out that I didn’t agree.
I told her that she had to turn to her gods now more than ever. Who else is more equipped to deal with heart-break than her own patron? She can feel and see and think that Aphrodite has decided she is no longer worth her time, but as much as I can see the goddess as being that way on occasion, I can’t sit back and just let it slide. I told the Sister, Just because she’s not there to listen to your day-to-day doesn’t mean she’s not paying attention. And I cannot believe that Aphrodite is not hurting right along side you. They’re not tight; they’re not best friends. But isn’t that one of the things that Aphrodite is able to give: love? And the Sister had it, and unfortunately, it ended. For whatever reasons, either outside or inside the relationship. All that I can say is that now is not the time to turn away from the very gods she has sought solace from time and time again.
Now is the time to pray. To have faith.
I told her that it was okay if this was a Fallow Time. I’ve mentioned it a thousand times. They happen and sometimes, that means that gods can get bitchy. Maybe they’re upset because you let something outside of yourself influence your spiritual practice, but the thing is that we are fallible. The gods realize this and while they may get pissy because we need a break that doesn’t mean they’re going to make things ten times worse just because they can. I can’t see a god as a patron suddenly turning around and with a snap of their fingers ending everything that they gave to you. That’s right; Aphrodite gave this relationship to the Sister. She opened up the way for the Sister to find the man she was looking for and ta-da! He appeared. So, why would she destroy all of that?
She might not be around to offer the Sister the proper words to say or the proper gestures to make, but she wouldn’t sit back and let it crumble… unless there was a reason. I keep trying to say that maybe the heartbreak is the lesson here. It’s a shitty fucking lesson. Everyone who is everyone that has ever been dumped or broken up in a relationship for whatever reason knows just how shitty the whole ending of a relationship can be. But sometimes, in that heartbreak, we learn things that are necessary. Perhaps those things are about who we really are and not who we thought we were because we had a significant other. Perhaps those things are about the relationship, itself, and what we actually ended up putting ourselves through before enough was enough. Or, maybe, it’s the heartbreak itself that is the lesson therein. And here, I think I’m walking on surer ground. I think that may just be the lesson in this case…
…but I don’t think my words are getting through.
I know I have to push her into the proper direction. I know that I have to say the things that are in my head about this. I know that I have to get her ass in gear. I already have a plan. I’m just worried that if she decides to not heed my advice, things are only going to get worse. I’m supposed to be a teacher and I’m supposed to show her the way, but she still has free will. How many spoons can I use in this endeavor if she doesn’t want to listen? And right now, she doesn’t seem to want to listen. I don’t know. I don’t know.