Teachers Open the Door. You Enter By Yourself.

The above quote is a Chinese proverb.

A while back, I was told by someone who I had to start guiding the Sister in her spiritual practice. I balked, the moment I heard it. “I’m not a teacher. I have lofty ideals and dreams, but I’m not interested.” The person in question balked back and told me that I had better do it, with a grin, or do it, and whine about it. I decided to take the lowest road possible and leave little pushes now and again. I would push the Sister and say something like, What do your gods want? They’re bugging me; they want something. And she would say something or other, an excuse as to why it couldn’t happen or what she believed they may have wanted. Whether or not she followed through, I never followed up on myself. I would just leave it at that and assume she got the idea, or she didn’t. It was no sweat off my back, right? Right? Right? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. You see, yeah. I realized tonight that I had to teach her, show her, and push her more firmly. And I’m gritting my teeth (in a horrible facsimile of a grin, by the way) as I write this.

She’s having a rough time right now. She and her boyfriend broke up. I won’t get into it; it’s got no place here. The point is that she partially blames Aphrodite, her main patron, for this break up. “She’s forsaken me,” she told me earlier. I just kind of sat back and did my “whaaaaaaaaaaaaah?” I couldn’t believe she was saying this and believing it. Then she told me that Aphrodite had said, “KTHXBAI” a while back. The Sister’s living situation is, uh, rough at the moment. She hasn’t been able to properly give or prostrate or talk with Aphrodite. From what I’ve gathered of this particular patron, she’s pretty needy about these kinds of things. She doesn’t like being ignored, even if there’s a fairly valid reason for all of it. (Whether or not the reasons the Sister gave me are valid are not my place to say. I see her point. But, I can also see her patron’s, so…) But, I couldn’t believe that her goddess would break up her relationship just because. When the Sister told me that it wasn’t that, the goddess had forsaken her and that, if she were around, chances are the break up wouldn’t have happened, I could see where she felt that way.

But I couldn’t help but point out that I didn’t agree.

I told her that she had to turn to her gods now more than ever. Who else is more equipped to deal with heart-break than her own patron? She can feel and see and think that Aphrodite has decided she is no longer worth her time, but as much as I can see the goddess as being that way on occasion, I can’t sit back and just let it slide. I told the Sister, Just because she’s not there to listen to your day-to-day doesn’t mean she’s not paying attention. And I cannot believe that Aphrodite is not hurting right along side you. They’re not tight; they’re not best friends. But isn’t that one of the things that Aphrodite is able to give: love? And the Sister had it, and unfortunately, it ended. For whatever reasons, either outside or inside the relationship. All that I can say is that now is not the time to turn away from the very gods she has sought solace from time and time again.

Now is the time to pray. To have faith.

I told her that it was okay if this was a Fallow Time. I’ve mentioned it a thousand times. They happen and sometimes, that means that gods can get bitchy. Maybe they’re upset because you let something outside of yourself influence your spiritual practice, but the thing is that we are fallible. The gods realize this and while they may get pissy because we need a break that doesn’t mean they’re going to make things ten times worse just because they can. I can’t see a god as a patron suddenly turning around and with a snap of their fingers ending everything that they gave to you. That’s right; Aphrodite gave this relationship to the Sister. She opened up the way for the Sister to find the man she was looking for and ta-da! He appeared. So, why would she destroy all of that?

She wouldn’t.

She might not be around to offer the Sister the proper words to say or the proper gestures to make, but she wouldn’t sit back and let it crumble… unless there was a reason. I keep trying to say that maybe the heartbreak is the lesson here. It’s a shitty fucking lesson. Everyone who is everyone that has ever been dumped or broken up in a relationship for whatever reason knows just how shitty the whole ending of a relationship can be. But sometimes, in that heartbreak, we learn things that are necessary. Perhaps those things are about who we really are and not who we thought we were because we had a significant other. Perhaps those things are about the relationship, itself, and what we actually ended up putting ourselves through before enough was enough. Or, maybe, it’s the heartbreak itself that is the lesson therein. And here, I think I’m walking on surer ground. I think that may just be the lesson in this case…

…but I don’t think my words are getting through.

I know I have to push her into the proper direction. I know that I have to say the things that are in my head about this. I know that I have to get her ass in gear. I already have a plan. I’m just worried that if she decides to not heed my advice, things are only going to get worse. I’m supposed to be a teacher and I’m supposed to show her the way, but she still has free will. How many spoons can I use in this endeavor if she doesn’t want to listen? And right now, she doesn’t seem to want to listen. I don’t know. I don’t know.

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10 thoughts on “Teachers Open the Door. You Enter By Yourself.

  1. I have a female friend of mine who for the past 10 years has been with a very abusive man (I have known her for 15 years and we even had a short lived romance, but she’s not into me for whatever reason. No attraction I guess). For years I and the man she had her daughter with (my best friend) have been trying to get her to leave this other guy. They have had the Police called on numerous occasions, he had his son taken from him and she was given sole custody, he threw a water bottle at her once and ruptured her spleen (nearly killing her). had he not finally relented and listened to her cries of pain and taken her to the E.R. she would have died. Still she stayed with him. Now she’s not innocent either, she has a temper and tends to take it out on him physically. A person can only take being hit so many times before they hit back and with him being much bigger than she, he hits a lot harder. She insists that he should never lay a hand on her as men aren’t supposed to hit women and her little “taps” could never do him serious harm. O f course I told her that’s not the point. She should never hit him in the first place, which would then give him no reason to hit her back. Another thing is their children see them hitting one another and the man’s 5 year old boy thinks it’s okay to hit women or call them very bad names (which I won’t repeat here).
    Suffice to say she recognizes she is at fault but puts most of the blame on him for not living up to her expectations.
    Now she has been my friend for over 15 years and for the most part has never listened to one word of advice I have ever given her, though now it seems as though she might be listening. The problem is she insists she cannot make it on her own with the money she makes, though I myself and my friend have calculated what she makes versus what she pays out in rent, utilities, etc and she should have more than enough to cover it, but she doesn’t. I suspect there may be a secret drug addiction as she does rely upon weed to curb her anger. She often cycles between great anger and depression which leads me to believe she may be Bi-Polar. I say this because her other two sisters behave exactly the same way and as a consequence also have volatile relationships with their SO’s. Some have even had their children taken from them or have assaulted Police Officers when their boyfriends were being arrested for domestic violence (which they were also guilty of as well. If she were to get herself diagnosed and on some medication she might do okay.

    The overall problem is that my friend (her ex with who she had a daughter) doesn’t believe she has a Mental Health issue, He thinks she’s just a self centered b*tch.
    Since she tends to listen to him more than me, it’s unlikely she will ever seek help. She has low self esteem (don’t we all) and is convinced she cannot make it on her own without a man to provide (she believes in the traditional relationship of a man providing and the woman staying at home). The problem (so she says) is she’s 38, not very pretty (in her opinion) and she has two kids. What man will want that? Plenty of men are looking for an older more mature woman, though the anger control problem would be a definite issue.

    I mention all this because Love makes people do stupid things. I don’t know what has gone on between Sister and her SO and really it’s none of my business. As to Aphrodite I will hazard a guess that while she may have brought Sister’s SO to her, it’s up to Sister to take care of that gift. In my opinion it’s not the Gods responsibility to micro manage our lives. We simply look to them for guidance but not for absolute control. Of course one has to listen to the guidance given and if we don’t, well we really can’t expect the Gods to do anything for us. Perhaps this is why Aphrodite said “KTHXBAI”. I have found all too often that people tend not to tell the entire truth about themselves when something goes awry. Like Dr House says “everybody lies”. Some do it simply for self protection and others do it so they won’t have to be responsible for their actions.

    I don’t know “Sister” very well but I do know people and I think there may be more to this than what is being openly said.

  2. I’ve been there. The saying “You can lead a horse to water” comes to mind. And sometimes, there is nothing you can do. It’s entirely possible this experience isn’t just teaching her- but teaching you as well.

    If someone or something is trying to push you to help teach others, you better get used to beating your head against a wall on a regular basis. It seems a lot o people don’t want to be taught.

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