Kismet tell me it’s OK and I’ll guess it’s just a twist of fate. – Danse Russe by Hurt.
TH and I are not a standard couple, I suppose. We never really had “a song.” You know what I mean when I talk about that: the song that’s supposed to always remind you of someone whom you love? I’ve had them with other men that I’ve been with, but with TH and I… we never needed music to remind one another of each other, I suppose. We had a few songs by Hurt that we both enjoyed and that seemed, to me, to remind us of bits of our relationship. When I first heard Danse Russe with him, he sang it to me. (He does not sing often so this was a pleasant surprise.) Since then, we’ve considered it “our song.” The line that I have above has two interpretations: on one site it will say that the word is “kismet” and on others, you’ll five it as “kiss me.” TH always sings it as “kiss me” while I’ve always preferred “kismet.” It seemed to work more appropriately with the song.
I’ve always talked about fate and destiny as things that have a place in my life, but haven’t had much play. I talk about these things in ways that are more removed than others. I’ve noticed others think of kismet as having a profound place in their lives and sometimes, I believe similarly. I think back about all of the choices I have ever once made and think that destiny had a major part in it. If it was not my destiny to marry MEH, then I would have never met TH and I would not have my darling TS. If it was not my fate to go to the high school I went to, there is no telling what sort of life BFTX would have had without me there to hold her hand. These are major life events, of course, which at the time didn’t mean much. They didn’t seem so major or important, but years later, I see that they were important and that without some form of rhyme or reason, I could have made the wrong choices or the bigger mistakes and where would I be now?
I’ve always thought of kismet as more of a suggestion than anything else, though. I mean, we talk about free will and the ability to do as we please all of the time. Americans are more likely to be aware of this because of the “land of the free” and whatnot. That’s not to say that others don’t see it as clearly as we, but I think we’re more aware of it. (I could be full of shit. Tell me, people.) We talk about it often enough, anyway. So, as an American, whenever I think about my fate or my destiny or what roll kismet may play in my life, then I tend to think of it as a whisper here and a push there. I don’t think of it as more than the major life choices we all face.
But, I do have to say that I think that it does play a more pressing roll than I give it credit.
In my convoluted and not-quite-formed belief system, I’ve always figured that our souls moved to a place like Summerland or something where we could sit down and plot out our lives. We all have things we are working on to attain… something… in this viewpoint of mine. And in that, we have to learn certain things. Whatever they may be, I couldn’t say. I don’t know. I may never know until after my ka passes from my body and breaks free to plot again. And then, I can be sure that I will not be able to tell others what those lessons are. But, I’ve always had a thing about reincarnation and I’ve always felt that it had to do with attaining something grand, something big… maybe something akin to the lwa or what have you. I don’t know. All I know is that I firmly believe that we plan out our future lives with the lessons in mind and it is then up to our physical selves to help our ka learn the lesson they need. Whether or not the lesson is learned is a part of kismet, methinks. It either is or is not time.
And of course, it’s entirely up to free will.
* This entry is very late because of the drama-llama that was running around last week and because it wasn’t until Devo pointed out to me that I had to get my ass in gear that I even began to consider the idea of writing this post.