Everywhere The Glint of Gold.

The candles flicker wildly all in the room. Candles cover every surface available, of which there are many. The flames make themselves more and more apparent. They lie comfortably two inches or more above their wicks, hissing and popping in the wide room. A soft breeze blows through, but though they flicker like demons, the candles do not go out. I wonder where I am. I am curious to see the resolution of this moment. But nothing comes to me. I am in that room alone.

I had this vision last night just prior to going to bed. When I had it, I softly called out, Mawat, in a watery voice that held little sound to it. There was the feeling of a hand upon my shoulder and I was comforted in that moment. The visions that I’ve been having all have something to do with something or other, but this is a steady one. It was only this morning as I was drunkenly puzzling it out (drunken in the fact that I’m still in that in-between feeling/state) that I realized I knew that room. I had been there before when I was told that Mut is in my life. And it was to her that I called out for comfort in my sudden uncertainty and fear – she seems to prefer my calling her mawat to anything else. It is like I have a mother who is nearby and yet, unseen. She breathes me full of comfort and love. She is a great goddess.

So, while the visions themselves are still a large puzzle, I at least know where my mind flies to when I have them. I am in that large, gold-glittered room with the table in the center, filled with golden statues of my consortium of goddesses. In this particular vision, I was on a side of this open-walled room, between two large columns and at my back was a sheer black curtain flapping in the breeze. I didn’t get the chance to see anything in the center, but only the glitter of the candles that surrounded the room on every side. This is a starting place or maybe, more like, a comfortable place. It is like a home, a second or third one to be true, but a home nonetheless. I am supposed to go there regularly, but why?

Why?

Why?

What is all of this about?

In my last post, two people commented with remarks that were, along the lines, that it appears that I’m becoming more aware of my astral self. If that is the case, then does that mean that I actually go to that room in more than just my head? I don’t know what I thought of in this whole astral thing. I think I always thought of it as flying out of body. My best friend in Texas used to do “fly” as a child. She swore it up and down, “I can fly. I can fly.” No one believed her. It’s after many years that we both realized she wanted to escape from her life so badly that she was able to pull herself out of her body and fly. So, when I think “astral” that’s what tends to come to mind. Is it like that? I know that Foxdreams is working on a post about all of this, but I’m wondering.

Wondering.

Wondering.

Always wondering.

Now, I flee in the face of all of this. I have discovered, at the least, where I go. I have also discovered, or I think I have, that this is all a gift from mawat. I think it came when I lay there begging after writing about heka not working. I remember lying in bed with tears in my eyes and begging her, “Help me. Get me to see. I’m doubting. I don’t think this. It hurts. I hate this. Why is this happening to me? Why? I don’t understand what you-all want from me.” And then, the fog came and I’ve been living in it since.

Wondering…

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18 thoughts on “Everywhere The Glint of Gold.

  1. Chiming in again! I have to say I also had your feelings when I began being Called there. It was never “Dramatic” for me like strong visions of flying and such; journey never has been. There was never a moment like the books describe where I was floating outside my body and saw myself. There is such a thing as Intrinsic and Extrinsic journey, however. Intrinsic is when you journey inside your self, your own soul, and it’s useful for doing self work. Extrinsic is when you journey somewhere-else, where-ever that is. I’ve also noticed the astral is thousands of planes, not just one, and the subset I visit Shamanically is very different than the other, more human ones I tend to visit. Your room sounds like your starting point. Generally the first few times you prepare to go you gain a starting point, usually with a single exit. It can have multiples. The way I judge ‘Am I Inside or Outside?’ is pretty simple–do I feel I have control over the surroundings? Can you physically change things in the room and have control over the happenings? Usually that’s internal for me. External astral journey means I have no idea what’s going to happen next and I’m kind of along for the ride, though I have control of my body. I also realize in external journey I have knowledge and security I don’t have in this life; knowledge of how to handle things or move around, and when I come back I’m a lot less likely to remember external journey with absolute clarity. In any case, it sounds like a great place to get used to the feeling you have there. I hope my comments are helping :)

  2. It makes perfect sense to me. I have a space on the inside that I call the Interior. It’s a place that pretty much stays the same, and the inner me goes there on a regular basis. Not sure if it’s the same thing that you’re experiencing, but it sounds like it could be similar.

    • Aside from being scared of the fact that I went there, unbidden, I like it. It’s peaceful, quiet. There’s nothing there that I wouldn’t enjoy seeing. The candles were beautiful and the sheers, as well. It was like… a zen garden only without the sand.

      • I go to my Interior when I need to calm down. I’ve gone there while upset. I used to use the space to perform rites when I couldn’t in the physical world. So I guess take it for what it is :P

        • It’s funny you mention rites. I’ve been seeing myself kneeling at my altar with candles lit and incense burning, but I haven’t PHYSICALLY done it. I wonder if that’s what this place is for, as well…

  3. This might sound strange coming from me, but I’ve had experiences. I’m not sure what sense to make of them but they were similar to some of the things you and Foxdreams talk about. And I has these in the more recent past, not from childhood…

      • It’s relevant that I say to Jen, I think lots of us have experiences like this, and I dunno about you but I never gained any information on journey from the books I had available to me. Not even esoteric/high magick texts, those weren’t even close. The most helpful text my partner found that resonated with what we ACTUALLY saw and did there was The Tibetan Yogas of Dream & Sleep.

        This is also why I write my blog, in the hopes somebody else sees it and is like OH. SO THAT’S WHAT THAT WAS.

        Alternatively I feel like I need to make a ridiculous email/yahoo group with the number of people suddenly “waking up” LOL

        • Thank you. I actually haven’t spent much time trying to make sense of it yet, but was interested when I started reading some of these posts because it’s similar. I might check out that title…

  4. Pingback: Mut (PBP). | Kemetism: World's Greatest Religion!

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