Apparently, today is Beltane. I was utterly unaware that this was coming up until I happened upon seeing about a hundred tweets from various people who I follow going on about how Beltane was coming up. Then, this weekend, a new explosion of May Day/Beltane/Samhain tweets came on the scene and that’s about the time that I realized TH’s birthday was Sunday, my nephew’s was yesterday, and shit on a stick, wouldn’t you know it? There just so happened to fall Beltane the day after. As for what I planned on doing for the holiday, I didn’t seem to realize that Beltane was more than just a fire festival (I was thinking bonfires and booze, honestly, whenever Beltane came into my mind) and had a lot to do with sex (which we all know that I don’t do in any way), which really soured me on doing anything. It was a convenient excuse. So, I figured I could at least start writing a little essay about how this was Beltane, where it came from, how Neo-pagans go about it nowadays, and all of that jazz. It was going to be the start of my working with the Wheel of the Year. And it was at that moment that I had a dawning epiphany. This whole Wheel of the Year stuff isn’t for me, at all. And I’m not interested in it, at all. And I’m pretty much ready to gear up and create my Kemetic calendar, so why bother with this?
Insert obnoxious ding-ding-ding, the most idiotic dumbstruck face, and you pretty much have me about an hour ago.
As a very quick backtrack for anyone who is (A) new to this blog or (B) hasn’t a clue as to what I’m going to go on about… Some time back, I went on a whining spree about how difficult it is to construct a calendar for a Kemetic practice. We have the issues of the festival Kemetic calendar being a lunar calendar and without any leap years, on top of the fact that some information has been lost. The largest issue I was having was the fact that to calculate the Kemetic New Year, we had to look to see when the star of Sopdet had its first heliacal rising. It was at about this time that I figured the project was too much for me and that I could probably make my life a lot easier by working with the already installed pagan Wheel of the Year. There were eight Sabbats to work with and a lot of people who I know enjoy their pagan celebrations in regards to said Sabbats. It also seemed like a good idea, at the time, because it not only made my mind hurt less at all of the mathematical calculations I’d need to do (never mind with leap years thrown in the mix) but also, bring me closer to the pagan community, at large. As a life long outsider, the idea of being closer to other pagans due to shared holidays was appealing.
But, the epiphany came on pretty strongly. I realized that I wasn’t really interested in the whole WotY thing for myself. While I was in the car driving (always a great place for a dumb-fuck look of epiphany), I realized that I had wanted to get to know these holidays on behalf of my son. It wasn’t so much that I was worried about teaching him the big rituals or the big days of import in the Kemetic calendar, or that I was having issues when deciding those days just so happened to be. And in all honesty, I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of going through the motions and learning about these holidays for myself so that I could get down with the pagan bandwagon and be part of the party. I was looking into this stuff so that I would have simple, easy things to teach my son for future use. Just because I’m a Kemetic and I’m quasi-teaching him Kemetic things (like creation myths and gods and whatnot) doesn’t mean that he should be forced into this. I want him to have the ability to see various religions at play, whether they be Greek or Kemetic or Christian or Muslim or Neo-pagan. So, while I can easy give him pointers in the Christian sphere, and I’ve got the Kemetic and Greek stuff covered, I’m not so good with Neo-pagan, Heathen, or Muslim spheres of influence.
And I want him to have a choice.
This is the moment that I begin to find myself realizing that becoming an expert on others’ religions for my son isn’t actually a good idea. If I want to give him the views of others’ religions, then I should aid him in getting that information if and when he asks. I should be able to give him a general overview and then, you know, let him make a choice from there. If he wants to be a Christian, Muslim, Pagan, Atheist, then he has that ability. I don’t really care one way or another (though I think the atheism would bother me a good deal, considering his father and I just do not see eye to eye on that stuff at all) what he decides to choose later on in life. So, I think I’ll just look into the Wheel for a bit, but I’m not going to work with it. It’s not what I want, it’s not what I need, and it’s definitely not the direction I need to go in.
My direction is Kemetism and all of the joys, pains, and irritations that entails.