I tend to notice that the blogs I follow go in patterns. This really isn’t as amazing as my title would make it out to be. Most of the pagan blogs I follow, follow one another so when someone writes a post about something, someone else gets inspired and follows along the same theme. However, I do know that there are some pagan blogs that aren’t followed by the same people and in that instance, I begin to grow intrigued when I see numerous people blogging along the same lines. It’s like, “How do they all start thinking about this kind of thing at the same time, anyway?” That being said, can we guess what the hell the current pagan blog trend is? That’s right: the akhu, or for those not in the know and not willing to click the link I posted, ancestors!
Since everyone keeps posting about the Deadz, this has left me wondering what in the world is going on with my practice and my Deadz. To be perfectly frank, I haven’t been doing much in the way of anything. The Old Man gets his coffee every morning (and if he’s particularly snarky, then he gets some rum in there), but that’s pretty much all I’ve been doing. I’ve been kind of obsessing with writing a theology that works for me and this particular project that Hetharu gave to me that everything has fallen to the wayside. Hell, I still haven’t pulled my statuary out of the cabinet since the last set of possible-buyers [of our rental property] came through last week. I haven’t felt the need to do much, and with all of that going around in my head and around me, I get smacked in the face with quite a few people going on about what they’re doing for the akhu. It makes me wonder if this particular spin in the wheel has more to do with what I’m not doing (and have claimed to want to do, as well as made vague movements toward doing) and should be, versus just how the pagan blogging hemisphere is turning at this moment in time.
I’ve been, sort of, working toward and with my akhu. It hasn’t made much of a mention here because it’s been smaller blog entries of a personal nature on my personal blog about my Deadz. I’ve written about both of my grandmothers so far and have had a work-in-progress entry for my dad for the last couple of months. To me, this is more of a genealogy project than anything to do with my akhu, but then again, in regards to the pagan hemisphere, worshiping your ancestors and the genealogical research that goes along with it tend to go hand-in-hand. I’m not one of your typical pagans (as evidenced by the fact that I’m more likely to tell people about my practice/what I’m doing/who I work with/etc., go on and on about how often I screw things up, and talk about the things that people just “don’t discuss” for whatever reason), but when it comes to getting down with my Deadz, I’m fairly typical. In this particular purpose, though, I want to be remembered by my descendents and feel that if that is the case, then I should probably end up working with those who have predeceased me. And if I have it written down in a public venue, it’ll be easier if/when they have to start all over with my family members. (Note to self: think about making a workbook, with memories and pictures, for descendents at some crazy future date.)
But, I’ve begun to realize that my reclusive nature is getting in the way of all of this akhu stuff. I have been out to cemeteries and taken pictures, but I’ve been curiously absent from all of the cemeteries that hold the bodies of my Deadz. It’s like I can talk about them in a public venue, such as my personal blog, but actually going to them and spending time with them is beyond me. I’m not sure what the nature behind this is, actually. I feel like there is something there, holding me back, but I couldn’t really say what it is. My father’s grave is, literally, a five-minute drive down the road from where I live, and yet, I haven’t been by to see him since I went to the Maplewood Cemetery in December. (Sheesh. December? That long? Wow!) I’m fairly eclectic about when I feel the need to visit my dad, which mostly coincides with when I’m having a particularly down phase, but I should go to him more. I should bring him gifts; I should bring him offerings; I should at least talk to him on a fairly regular basis. And yet… There’s that something… holding me back.
And you know, I have never gone to visit either of my grandmothers, my papa, or my great-grandmother, either. I always managed to make excuses that were ridiculous. “I don’t know where the cemetery is.” “I don’t have enough gas to get out there.” “I don’t want to show up empty-handed.” “The office isn’t open to show me where to go.” Some of these excuses are fairly valid, but how hard is it to open up Google and do a search? How often has any of us used our Google-fu to find particularly trying or elusive bits of information about whatever subject matter we were curious about? And how hard is it to go to Find A Grave and look up who I need to look up? Apparently, in my head, it is the hardest thing since I gave birth, or something, because it took me this long before I finally went and did it.
That’s right: I now have the locales of my Deadz.
It’s just a matter of actually going there. And again, that something that holds me back… I seriously have to wonder what all that is about. And why I’ve been keeping myself so distant from things that I’ve made quite clear are supposed to be, and so therefore, are very important to me when it comes to my practice. In the mean time, all I can say is a big thanks to everyone who thought writing about their akhu recently was a good idea. You’ve given me the slight nudge I needed to at least begin this song and dance.
- Redeeming the Ancestors by Tana.
- Ancestor Shrine by Veggiewolf.
- The Nine Noble Virtues: Ancestry by Lucius Svartwulf.
- Anpu/Anubis by Picklewalsh. (You might not think that this has anything to do with the akhu, but you’re wrong! Wrong, I say! Wrong! But, seriously, Anpu has everything to do with the Deadz.)