(Yeah, I’ve put this off.)
I was informed a while back that I was really happy when I was casting spells and feeling like I was doing something other than mope around about things that seemed out of my control. This information was given to me via Hetharu, who initially came into my life for a very different purpose. She realized that the purpose she wanted to give to me wasn’t functional and wouldn’t be an easy road, but I think she wanted to work with me anyway. (Maybe Sekhmet had a hand in that, more than I give her credit for…) She switched things up to a more functional relationship of magic and getting me to realize that I’m a woman (with manly qualities) and that hearth and home are big aspects of who I’m becoming. It’s with this that I’ve found myself buying books about hedge craft, hearth craft, and green magic lately. It’s because of her that I’ve realized that a functional religion, to me, isn’t just the act of crafting rituals or walking beside Legba, but that magic is also a very large part in that.
And that scares me silly.
I’ve written a lot about failures lately and that’s made me have to come face-to-face with the fact that I failed a lot in my “witchy” aspect. For a long time, I’ve thought that the failures were due to the fact that I can’t meditate or visualize the way that others do. But, I’ve come to the conclusion that those are really small parts of the whole puzzle. The failure in my witchy aspect stems from the fact that I’m far more rational minded than I give myself credit for. While doubt is part and parcel to everything that we, as humans do, I tend to let it get the best of me. This is why I tend to waffle back and forth after making a decision, from what I’m wearing that day to how I’m cleaning my house to a major life changing decision. It’s the doubt that eats at me and I think, in large part, that it was those doubts that ate the spells I was crafting. And also, a change in fate and destiny is a large step for someone newly exploring something like magic. And too, sometimes, the change takes longer than we think that magic should take.
But the thing is that with all of that in the background as buzzing noises, I’ve realized that magic is very important. To me, magic isn’t just a casting of spells any longer. (Holy shit. I’m growing up.) It’s an act of wiping down the table and reading a story to my son. It’s the act of praying to my goddesses or laughing when Legba tells a joke. (Today’s funny was: “RUM IN MY COFFEE?!?! YOU LOVE ME!!! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!!!”) It’s the act of hearing my favorite song come on the radio after not having heard it in a long time. Magic isn’t just something that makes me want to change the outcome of something, but is also the act of living. And it’s with that in my mind that I’ve come to realize I need to practice more magic and live my life with more magic in it.
With Hetharu as a guide, hearth craft seems to be a more than likely choice at present. I have a book about “hedge witchery” but it really doesn’t have anything to do with crossing the hedge. And I’ve come to realize that while I enjoy the blogs of hedge witches out there and that I like reading about it, it’s a lifestyle choice that isn’t for me. I mentioned in a recent post that the way of the hedge isn’t something that truly interests me. It’s interesting and neat to learn about, but it’s not something that I’m willing to take on. But hearth craft… now there’s something that I can take on. There’s something that I can do and not only is it something of interest, as a mother and a woman and a pagan and me, but also something of interest that I can get behind and learn about. It’s something, too, that can be conveyed as a form of ritual and a form of honor of the goddess who started me down this way in the first place.
So, it is with her guiding hand that I begin to walk down the slippery slope.
Will I fall and get angry? Undoubtedly. Will I rant and rage? Probably. Will I snivel and whine in future blog posts about how totally unfair Hetharu is being? You can bet on it. But all of that is nothing in comparison to the fact that she’s right. And even when I bitch and moan and whine and cry about all of it, I’ll have to keep coming back here and re-read that she is right.
In other words, I am woman. I am mother. I am pagan. And I’m forging along in a very scary way, but hey, I’m roaring while I sweep the dust off of my floor.
- Kemetic Path Forging.
- Voodoo Path Forging.
- What Is Hearth Craft?