So, after some pushing and a lot of fortitude on my part, I finally decided to take the plunge. I really was nervous about deciding on forging a relationship with another god, even if it was something that was occasional or in passing, even if it was something that wasn’t permanent or was on a trial basis. I don’t know if I conveyed it properly in my last post; the fear and uncertainty that I was feeling. But, as I said in my last post, sometimes you just have to do. Sometimes, you just have to get your ass up and off the couch and fucking do. So, I fucking did.
Yesterday, before writing my post, I had gone outside to clear my head. I actually do this a lot when I write. It’s a way to take a mini-break so my eyes don’t try to jump out of my skull from writing too long. It’s also a way to keep my finger knuckles from burning out too quickly. But for the most part, it’s a simple way to get out and clear my thoughts. Just because I know what I want to write doesn’t mean I know how to get there. And just because I think something sounds all good in my head doesn’t mean that I don’t get lost on the way to get there. So, often, I’ll stop so I can sort out the snarl going on in my mind.
While doing that, I asked Seshat for a bit of guidance. I was worried and scared. What if she wasn’t listening? What if she didn’t care? But, I think she gave me a listen because before I knew it, I was typing away. My hands were flying on the keyboard as I opened a vein and let it out. I’m satisfied with what I wrote. I’m satisfied with how it came out. I’ve taken this as the sign I needed: she was listening.
When I was finished, I placed a large quartz point on my laptop. I read somewhere (Confessions of a Kitchen Witch, I believe) that this could aid in creative endeavors. So, I left it there and decided to work on writing stuff today.
Again, before sitting down, I closed my eyes and asked for Seshat to aid me. I wanted to get going and get my juices going, but I needed an added push. I went to work and ended up adding fifteen new pages before I was done. I was exhausted afterward. It felt like I had poured myself into the story I was writing. It made me content and thrilled. It made me excited for more. So after a needed rest, I went back and added ten more pages.
Now I’m pleasantly exhausted. My eyes are dry, my hands ache, and I’m ready for sleep to claim me. And I’m ready to forge a path with the lady, Seshat.