The Celestial Brush Off.

How many of you have had a god or spirit give you the send off? I’m sure some of you will know what I’m talking about the moment after having read that question. It’s that moment when you approach an OTHER™ with the intention of paying them homage or merely asking for their assistance and they give you the exact opposite response that you had in mind. Sometimes, it can be polite disinterest such as when I approached Ma’at and she just gave me a quirky smile and a line about how “cute” I was being. It can be a “look” or a “feeling” that says, “Yeah, this isn’t what you want or need. Thanks anyway!” Or, it can be a brutal rebuff that takes your breath away.

In my last post, I was commenting back and forth with Bastemhet about how I should open up communications with Seshat prior to writing. She recommended this goddess after having approached her in aiding her in various arenas and getting a good result. I had admitted, in that conversation, that I had sought out both Djehuti and Seshat on previous occasions during excessive muse blockage moments and had received nothing in return from either of them. She still recommended that I go in that direction and I mentioned that I was a little worried that I would get a rude send off from the god(s) in question whenever I approach them. This pretty much popped in as an epiphany moment for me, thus this post.

I’ve been rebuked before by a god for approaching them, which is where my fear of being angrily sent off without anything more than discouragement comes from. Albeit the situation in question was due to my stupidity and naïveté at the time, it has still left me with more than just some healthy respect, but also a large dollop of fear and uncertainty. (That moment in time is written about in a future Pagan Blog Project post, so nothing other than a brief mention is merited here.) It’s also left me wondering how often this has happened to other pagans and no one has said anything to one another due to fear, embarrassment, or a combination thereof. So, if you’ve had this happen to you and you don’t mind telling me about it, go right ahead!

You see, the thing is that I’m so uncertain in what I do, even if I talk a good game and make it sound like I know what I’m going to do, that approaching new gods has left me with so very much fear in me. This is part and parcel to why I freaked out so much when Hetharu came to join my household: I was quite content with devoting my entire being to Sekhmet and no one else. When she came in, I was so sure that she wouldn’t like me or that I’d fuck it all up somehow (and didn’t I?). Hell, in fact, it is because of this fear that I tend to get bitchy and snarky whenever any OTHER™ has decided to drop on by: Legba, Ghede, Freda. And all OTHERS™ who have stopped by or decided to join my household have left me with the bitter taste of fear in the back of my throat, the nervous thoughts that I will offend them or do something wrong. There have been days where I’ve been so worried about offending the OTHER™ in question that I don’t give them an offering.

Case in point: I was doing a grand spiel in giving Papa Legba coffee on a daily basis. I was getting used to this new thing. But, every time I went to give him his coffee, I would bite my lip and watch as my hands shook as I set it down on his half of the table. I’ve felt similarly with offerings I’ve left for Ghede, Hetharu, as well as Sekhmet. And it’s not just the fear that they won’t like what I’m doing or what I say, or get angry with me because I’m doing something incorrectly or I’m relying too heavily on UPG or that I got them the wrong thing, but just fear in general. A fear that they will smite me for fucking it all up.

This probably sounds really heavy and maybe even dumb to some people who are reading this, but it’s feeling. They’re inconsequential to anyone except for those who feel them. And these fears are huge-ginormous and all-encompassing.

Anyway.

You see, the thing is that I’ve really let all of this uncertainty and fear cloud my vision in all different ways. It’s a constant thing in my mundane life and now, because of stupidity as a newbie, I’m letting it cloud my vision in my spiritual practice as well. I realize this and I understand this—the conscious thoughts of this are there. However, it’s a matter of figuring out how to bypass this basic circuitry of mine and move forward. Of course, the only way to actually do that would have to be, you know, actually opening myself up to connection with new gods and goddesses and spirits. The only way to move past what I know is blocking me and to just do it.

Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done.

In the mean time, I’m opening myself up to communicating with Seshat. Actually, in prior to writing this blog post, I asked her to aid me in getting it all out there. So far, I have to say, the results have been good. Now, it’s just a matter of not only asking her to help me with my blog and the posts that just want to pour right the fuck on out, but also in the arena of my creative life. Here’s to hoping that my fear and uncertainty don’t cloud me too much.

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14 thoughts on “The Celestial Brush Off.

  1. You might get a “that’s not my department” from her, if you get anything negative.
    I think her scribal interest is more for recordkeeping, what we’d call database work. And measuring. After all I’ve read about her, storytelling doesn’t seem to fit with any of it.
    I’m working on the craft of fiction as well, so I think we’re both looking for some sort of help on that front. I’m not sure if Djehuty’s the guy for storytelling either, but he might be more likely than Seshat.
    I’ve been thinking about the various creator gods and goddesses for fiction. “Creating worlds in joy” would be what I’d like my writing process to be. And Atum for “completion” might work very well too.

    • That’s what I was thinking about Seshat, too. I’ll never know until I try, however.

      I’ve always had a thing for Khnum at his potter’s wheel, but I don’t think that would be appropriate, either. There is love poetry and stories written in AE, so who did they pray to? The world may never know… and in the mean time, we’re playing guessing games. :)

      • Many scribes in AE prayed to Imhotep. So you could always look in that direction if you needed. Although creativity isn’t necessarily attributed to him, I always get a lot of Ptah when it comes to creative written endeavors. YMMV.

        I don’t have a lot to input. It’s possible that I’ve offended gods in the past. I can’t say. I’m always careful about starting off with new gods, but I’m also not afraid to try new things when it comes to the Kemetic pantheon. However, because I know jack about Kami, I am always reserved with the Kami, and I will only give attested offerings that are prescribed by the Shrine. Go figure.

        • I always forget about Imhotep. I’m not sure why.

          It’s funny that you mention Ptah, though. After reading Helm’s comment about different gods to look into, I started wondering about creator gods. The first one that came to mind was Ptah. Perhaps that’s due to the fact that he’s married to Sekhmet or merely just coincidence, but I think it’s definitely an avenue I may try. Still, Seshat first; then Ptah.

          Since I know jack about Vodou, I only follow what I’ve read or what others have told me to be “tried and true.”

  2. Actually I wasn’t really given a “brush off”, per se, but when I started working on my current path, the spirit guide I’d had for quite a long time appeared to me in meditation and said basically “See ya, you have to travel on your own for a bit”. I was like ….but but but!

    And you know something? He came back totally out of the blue about a month ago, nearly 4 years later. As if nothing had happened :) I think that sometimes we are pushed in directions we need to go in, and we shouldn’t necessarily take it as a “they hate me!” It’s more of “I’m not what you need.” I’ll never forget when (in meditation) Odin looked at me and said “So what’s a Celt like you want with me?”

    Incidentally, you don’t have to be that afraid of Legba. He’s very hard to offend. Most lwa are very hard to utterly piss off unless you break a BIG taboo. If you approach them with courtesy and respect, like if you were talking to your favorite elderly relative, they respond well. Just my experience :)

    • Rationally, I know that being afraid of Legba is kind of silly. I’ve only ever got amusement from him. Like, for example, whenever I offer incense to Sekhmet, he’s always there with something like, “UGH. Didn’t we just do this? The smell is all wrong for me. I’m sorry. It just has to go.” And I give a giggle to acknowledge that his humor has been appreciated, even though the incense is still being lit. :)

      I think I’m just worried so much because my first experience (I believe) with him was actually his Carrefour aspect and shit rained right the hell on down. Well, that, and the fact that I haven’t much clue as to what I’m doing.

  3. I wasn’t even graced with a response when I looked into working with Selene, before my patronage. It wasn’t for lack of trying, though! Looking back on it now, I’m glad she chose silence instead of a proper “no, now shoo” because I have the feeling I was quite the persistent (read:annoying) seeker, and anything more forceful than silence might have scared me off of the divine for good. Besides, if I hadn’t taken her silence as evidence for the non-existence of gods, I would have never stumbled onto my current path, or met Lu (well, okay, I might still have, but being an atheist getting slapped upside the head by a deity is definitely more memorable XD)

    • I’ve gotten a lot of feelings about the gods when I’ve approached them. With Ma’at, as I said, I got the feeling that she thought I was being cute in a puppy sort of way, but that she wasn’t interested. When I’ve approached Djehuti, I’ve gotten the quirked-eyebrow glance from over the shoulder feeling from him. A kind of like, “What? Oh, no. I don’t think so.” I got similar with Seshat before, but I’m still going to try her for this creativity thing.

      Maybe her silence was pre-planned so that you would meet Lu. :)

  4. I think you already hit on why you were rebuked so harshly- you yourself admit that it was due to stupidity and naivete. Always approach with respect, and do a little homework beforehand, and I think most deities would at least appreciate the effort. I think the only time fear or trepidation are warranted is when you’re about to try to initiate something with a deity that has a fearsome reputation, like Kali, for example. But Seshat? I can’t imagine her being anything but patient. :) I know she’s mostly associated with history and record keeping but that’s not why I recommended you talking to her. I and others have described her as lending an intense, focused quality to writing as well as inspiration. Besides creativity, I think stamina is also an important ingredient to writing something worth reading.

    • I definitely need the intense, focus that you guys are associating with her. When I start writing (once I’m done answering comments), I’ll give her a nod.

      And stamina is definitely warranted.

  5. I haven’t personally been rebuked…yet.

    Is this because I don’t go to the Others(tm) until they come to me first? Is it because the Others(tm) in the Egyptian pantheon are more finnicky than those of other pantheons? (I’ve not *yet* been called by any of the Egyptian deities) Is it because I have been rebuked but I’m too deaf/blind/ignorant to notice?

    Dunno.

    I have been “set straight” by them…they don’t want this, they do want that…that sort of thing. Mostly with Papa Legba & my Ancestors & Muertos…they’re a mouthy bunch.

    I would guess that Bastemhet ^^ knows what’s up as far as your Egyptian folk go. But I wouldn’t worry so much about Papa Legba. He’ll tease you all right, but he’s not so likely to be mean…;-)

    • Papa Legba certainly is a mouthy guy. He’s pretty big on giving me remarks about the incense I bought for Sekhmet. “UGH. It smells bad.” “Why are you doing that again?” “Didn’t you just give her an offering?” But, I know it’s in good fun.

      I think my fear is mostly due (with the Lwa) to the fact that I have no fucking clue what the hell I’m about. I’ve read books and blogs and websites, but it’s really just UPG over here. And that frightens me. What if I fuck up and accidentally give Freda eggs when she really wanted a donut for breakfast? Or, what if I just piss her off? (Freda is pretty much the embodiment of my fear here, actually.) I mean. It’s just so … I don’t know what words there are to describe how I’m feeling about it. Here’s an e-look that might be able to convey: O.O

      • Mouthy? Papa? Naaaah…<–sarcasm, lol. He's got the biggest mouth of all of them…and I'm not going to say what else he'd *like* me to say here. *snicker* Ahem.

        With Freda, some caution is certainly advised. There's a couple other of the Lwa that its not recommmended to work with untill you've got some education behind you…and even then. There's at least one Mousie won't even touch with the proverbial 10 ft pole. Unless provoked. That's another story. *insert manaical laughter here*

        Feel free to text/email me or Mousie with questions about offerings. One of us will at least let you know the "traditional". Can't have you flustering about, afraid of the Lwa after all! There are plenty of other things to be afraid of in life, IMHO. ;-)

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