I Haven’t A Clue.

I was standing on the front stoop just a bit a go. From the corner of my eye, an old man was standing in the back entryway. The door separated us. He was an old man, as I said, and was wearing a white puffy shirt. My heart began to beat in triple time as an adrenaline rush surged, breaking the vision of the old man.

Timidly, I stepped inside the corridor. I looked all around the hallway for someone either real, imaginary, or dead. I was just waiting for another ghostly image of this older, sad-feeling man. Nothing happened and I went back inside with nothing more than an excessive feeling of uncertainty and confusion and the down-side of the adrenaline rush. Now, I ponder this.

In rationality, I can chalk it up to a reflection of snow on the glass. I can quietly put the experience to rest and say that my imagination is overactive. In looking for something more, I can chalk it up to the Deadz making an appearance. Or, I can possibly see it as a spirit that is Something Else, though definitely not Lwa. Or, again, I can find a rational explanation.

The rational look is what others always school for. It’s the first thing that many on TC say. “Look for the mundane first. There could always be a physical reason.” And I came up with two: an overreactive imagination coupled with a reflection of snow on the glass. This seems the most reasonable and obvious response to what I just saw. It would explain the way that it was just there enough to frighten me and yet, also, not quite there.

But yet.

I can’t help but recall the myriad of rational responses I’ve had over the years to things like this. And I can’t help but recall the fact that I consider myself spirit blind. And I can’t help but remember that as a teen, I believed in ghosts and the like and, so, therefore saw things that others hadn’t. (The Vietnam vet in the big bedroom; the amorphous man in the hallway; the old Father Time at college.) And I wonder truly if this is a test of sorts: will she rationalize this or simply believe?

I think… I think simply believe is the way to go here.

Now. Why was a sad, old man standing in the hallway?

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6 thoughts on “I Haven’t A Clue.

    • That does make sense. And that was my first thought. I can’t see where else the old man would come from but my grave-tending. And he was definitely older, as in before this century. Or, that’s the feel.

  1. I’m often the first to talk about discernment, and that includes whether or not something was a genuine spiritual experience or just a trick of the mind, with an entirely physical cause. However, just because you can find a “rational” explanation does NOT mean the spiritual one isn’t also valid. The one does not cancel out the other. After all, how do we expect the gods and spirits to move in the world except by using the material? It’s certainly more straightforward than to “poof” something into existence for a moment. My point being, it could have been the reflection of snow on glass AND the manifestation of a dead soul at the same time. Just another possibility to throw into the mix.

  2. If you have to battle to rationalize it—it probably can’t be rationalized so easy. If the rational explanation isn’t obvious, then most likely it’s a little deeper than that. Either way, put the invitation out for him to come back. If he’s “real”, he’ll come around. :)

    (also seriously comforting to read someone else grapple with this. it only helps to know others go through the same mental battle as well).

    • I recently wrote two posts about my battle with magic and whatnot. It was incredibly interesting and very comforting to read other people who were saying, “Me, too!” I’ve always had issues with logic getting in my way. That’s part of the reason why I stopped practicing magic. I kept getting the voice that said, “This isn’t real. You’re not effecting a damn thing.” The advice on that one that I’ve gotten from all and sundry? I’ll share it with you: Keep on keeping on. Apparently, from what I’ve heard, the voice gets quieter!

      I’ll invite the old man back tomorrow morning and hopefully, he’ll take me up one it. It would be nice to communicate and interact with the Deadz without feeling silly. XD

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