I know that there are a lot of people who seriously debate with themselves how much to post in their blogs. I’ve never really been one of those people because I strongly believe in letting it all fucking out there. I mean, shit. What the hell is the point in making a blog and posting it on the Internet if not to get people to pay attention to me? I mean, come on! I’m a fucking Leo for cripe’s sake! I want the motherfucking attention!
However, it recently started to dawn on me that I flash my shit all over the place. I’m the spiritual equivalent to that asshole who runs naked during the halftime show. Now, while I may enjoy the whole being a douche bag, it really started to make me think if maybe I should start backing up a bit. I’ve been chattering a lot lately with people who utilize nicknames for their OTHERS™. (I swear this will make sense.) And for a while, I had been trying to figure out what to call them in nickname land because it made me feel better, right? Right. So, you know, I’m biffing those people, damn it. We’re going Nicknames From Here On Out. (Capitalized for the enjoyment of me.) And if you don’t know to whom I am speaking about? Well. It sucks to be you, then.
So, anyway. That’s not the point in all of this. That’s just, like, a side note.
Recently, I was talking with someone about how certain types of thwaps tend to lead to a waterfall effect: one shows up, followed by every other fucking person that they could possibly be related to, including all of the twice removed members. I mean, they just bring the whole damn family reunion right along with them. It was mentioned that Kemetic deities can be this way, although I personally don’t find this to be true. (I find them to bring one or two around, but anything else is entirely up to the person being knocked upon.) I’ve found something similar, at least from a distance, with the Nordic pantheon. I’ve found trickles to be common with Roman, Greek, and Celtic deities, at least as I have heard it. However, when it comes to the Lwa…? Yeah.
I kind of, sort of… had no fucking clue what the shit I was getting into when I told the Old Man that I was leaving myself open for all of that. I really and truly and honestly hadn’t a fucking clue. I figured, “Okay, the Old Man. I can figure that. I like that. We’re good.” I’ve always had a pretty big thing for crossroad imagery and all of that jazz. It made sense. However, along with the Old Man I had his negative half, Mister Crossroads, come along and mess about with things. (This explains why I lost my job before I had another opportunity knock. I’d explain it but I’m on a roll here, so. No.) But, you know, after finding that out, I was like, “Okay, I got this.”
And then, you know, I find out that the troll that is Master Top Hat has come barging in without letting me know. I honestly don’t know what he was trying to do with that, to this day. I mean, I’m all for coming on in and not announcing oneself because I do that, myself. However, in having shown up, he has done very little, which is unexpected. I’ve had to buy peanuts, hot sauce, and rum to make him happy. Oh, and I’ve started grave-tending to make him happy as well. But, that’s the extent of it. So, seriously, I haven’t a clue why he decided to troll in on me like that.
So, at this point in my life, I’m tapped out for altar space. I have the Old Man sharing space with the Lady of the Flame and the Lady of the Vulva. I had to rearrange a portion of my entertainment center so that I could get Mister Top Hat into his own place, and thereby, make the Old Man pleasingly thrilled with me. It’s not like I live in a large space, so the fact that I have something large enough to be converted into an altar for Mister Top Hat, as well as an ancestral space? That means that I am awesome (and dumb to not have thought of it earlier).
And it is now that a dream I had some time back finally starts to make sense. I’ll tell the story because I don’t believe I mentioned it previously. (And if I did? Recap!)
Some time back, I had a dream that focused around one of the two end tables I had used as altar space for the Lady of Power and the Lady of the Sky. It was cleared, as they have been for some time. There was a shadow… person-thing and he (I know it was a ‘he’ although I couldn’t say how) said, “Erzuli.” And I asked him quite plainly, “Which one?” However, he wouldn’t respond to me worth a crap. I think there might have been some grinning going on from the person-thing. Anyway, I remember waking up with me screeching, “Freda or Dantor? Which one?” And still, no response.
Now, I shoved this dream to the back of my mind. It seemed easier to not focus too much on it. I mean, obviously, I was supposed to follow one or the other, but I didn’t know which. Both of them kind of scare me in a way. Mistress Heart is very much “THIS IS THE WAY IT IS” from what I have gathered. She is very particular and she likes the finer things in life. While her sister, Madam Protectress, is frightening all on her own. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, specifically, about her that has led me to hold myself back. There is something about Madam Protectress that has me worried and uncertain. And again, I didn’t know which one I should be focusing my attention on. And… promptly forgot all about it.
Last night, though, I had a dream that I was dressing a candle. I was bathing it in… something. The candle itself was white. It was in a holder that I was dressing with light pink glitter and stones of some sort. After a swift discussion with my people who are “in the know,” it was explained to me that I was being called by Mistress Heart. You guessed it: Mistress Heart. One of the very OTHERS™ that frightens the crap out of me. Yep. Yep. Yep.
Another. Lwa. To. Serve.
Now, I’ve been drinking here so you can think I’m lying all you want, but it’s not the fact that it’s another Lwa to serve that bothers me here. I have space and if more come in, I can always make space in some form or another. (I don’t know how, but I can if needed.) It just really is the fact that it is Mistress Heart that gets to me. I’m so worried and uncertain with her. I’m so very much worried that I will horrifically offend her and she will refuse to work with me anymore. And I know that I need her help with this. I know that I need her in my life. I don’t want this to end up like it did with the Lady of the Vulva: where I was too busy ignoring her to work on the things that needed to be worked on. Besides, it was made quite emphatic that ignoring? Yeah, not a good idea. At all. Ever. In any life.
It would appear that Vodou is where my life is heading. This is… interesting. I know that when I mention it to family members and other people that they are put off or worried when I say the word, “Vodou.” In this, I hope to teach them that it isn’t all Hollywood bullshit. (I’ve finally managed to teach most of TH’s family that the ‘Death’ card in Tarot doesn’t mean I’m foretelling their deaths.) I do know that I will be putting people off for a bit with all of my Lwa this chatter and Vodou that talk. Unfortunately, it’s part of the business: learning new stuff means that you tend to focus heavily on it for a bit.
I understand that this is important because this is starting me in the direction I need to go. It has to do with wanga and with trance and with the next phase of my spiritual life. These steps will be uncertain and I might tumble down a few before I manage to stop my downward roll. However, these OTHERS™ are intent on showing me the way…
…and who am I to deny myself or them the opportunity?