George Eliot, Middlemarch.
I honestly don’t know what it is about magic-making or spell crafting that get me into this energetic spirit. I’ve always been this way, even way back when I used to cast silly spells in my defunct coven. The second I set my mind to performing spell work, then I’m just hippy-dippy. It’s like I’m given a shot of morphine, without the sleepy side effects, or some anti-depressant that works instantly. I sing and dance and la-la-la my way through the evening until it’s finally time to cast the spell. (I may have changed a lot of things since the last time I practiced magic, but performing major spells at around midnight is not one of them.)
I don’t know what it is, but it’s a good feeling. Even if I feel slightly buzzed the next day. Heh.
So, about two to three days ago, I had this intense feeling that I should brew some spell. I’ve been having a hard time with minor panic attacks since I still haven’t heard back from unemployment as of yet. I’ve done a lot of worrying and thinking and worrying and praying about it. I figured that, at least, I could try and do something magic related, as well, to help the problem along. I knew that the first quarter was coming up and thought, “Maybe then would be a good time?”
I’m not sure why, but I tend to associate my spells with the timing of the moon. This is probably, also, a hold over from the days with my coven since it was a [loosely] Wicca-based practice. However, the moon was all-important to many ancient cultures; not just magic-making ones, either. It seems practically natural to correspond certain types of spell work with certain phases of the moon. I found this ‘magical moon phase’ page an about-dot-com not all that long ago. And wouldn’t you know it? Performing money magic during the waxing of the moon is fairly common. Well. Well. It was like fate at that point.
Initially, I was actually going to perform this magic-making on the first, instead of the second. However, it didn’t really seem like the best time even though my moon phase app clearly stated that the first was the First Quarter. Maybe it was because it was a weekday or because I had to get up early to wake the lwa and goddesses the next day. Maybe it was just a fluke. Or maybe, things just happened the way that they were supposed to: I did my spell craft yesterday, instead.
It took me a really long, long, long, long time to get my spell down right. I was doing basic Google searches for various money spells. A lot of them seemed… I don’t even know how to remotely put it. A lot of them seemed really childish. Some of them, however, appealed to me and I tried to model my spell after them. However, it wasn’t working. A lot of the spells were related to Wicca modeled magic. And that’s fine, but that’s not where I’m coming from with my future in magic. It just… didn’t feel right.
However, Lucky Mojo had some money spells that they had posted for use. I was particularly drawn to Spells for the Return of Money and the Green Devil Money-Back Spell that they had posted. I think what drew me wasn’t so much the fact that they had hoodoo-conjure written all over them, but the fact that this wasn’t an asking. I always kind of felt that a lot of the Wiccan based magical formulas are based on requesting or asking; a sort of timid way of saying, “Um, could you help me please?” And if magic is all about making the will manifest, then asking isn’t a good way of going about it.
I didn’t go about demanding it, but I didn’t quite ask, either.
After taking about an hour to write the spell, mistakes and all, I took a cleansing shower. It was at that point that I really started to get excited. My heart rate picked up and I was dancing in the shower like some little maniac. I tried to do that whole focusing on negativity washing off of you as the spray slides down your body, but I was so gay hearted that it was impossible. I think the negativity kind of fell off of me the moment I decided to cast a spell.
You know, earlier, I said that I wasn’t sure what it was about magic-making that makes me so energetic. However, I think that I may have figured it out. I think it’s because it’s another way to take matters into your own hands. I’ve done all of the mundane that I can in this matter: I went to both of my appeals and I spoke out against the wrong-doing of my previous employers. I concisely explained my side of the story without getting ruffled or irritated. Aside from going to the adjudicator’s office and demanding that he post his response to me immediately, there’s really nothing more I can do in the ‘real world.’ So, it is only now (weeks later; weeks of panicking and worrying) that I finally turn to an outlet that is both creative and soothing: magic.
Just prior to burning, I pulled out all of the accoutrements I would need. I prefer a cleanly and orderly work space, as opposed to disorder and chaos. If I can pull out all of the things that I believe I am going to need prior to the actual spell-crafting, then so much the better. Of course, sometimes my instincts throw me a curve ball and I have to scrabble for things that I didn’t anticipate, so therefore, didn’t pull out of the cabinets. But, for the most part, this neatly and orderly working space is functional and has worked out well so far.
After everything was set up, I bowed my head over my little paper and envisioned* opening up an enveloped (addressed to me) with a check in my name in it. I didn’t envision a dollar amount since I haven’t a clue what my first check will contain (…a lot), but the act of opening this letter really brought the whole point home to me.
(* So. Little Miss I-Can’t-Visualize ‘envisioned’ something, right? Yeah. Yeah. I’m using the term because it’s the only clearly appropriate terminology at present. In reality, I did a mix between seeing in my mind’s eye the act of opening the envelope, as well as narrating it. So. It was like, making a movie in my head with a narrator for back up.)
The paper with my horrible grammar and misspellings and cross-outs and mistakes went up slowly, but surely. At first, I didn’t think it was going to burn correctly. I had folded it up differently than other spells that I’ve burned. I folded it into a general geometric shape. However, it was just a slow burn. Once it went up, it went up like a Christmas tree covered in kerosene and soaked in napalm: WHOOSH! It was actually pretty heady, since I can clearly remember bitching [a lot] about how my spells never went up with the same heat and frequency as The Sister’s spells. I think it was just my uncertainty back then that was posing a problem… and also, I didn’t know how the fuck to properly fold a piece of paper for it to burn properly.
I’ve apparently learned the errors of my ways.
Before, I used to put the herbs I wanted to help the whole spell process get going into the paper that I was going to burn. When I last did this spell stuff at the full moon, I figured that herbs would be great to help send all of this on its way, however, I didn’t like the overall idea of just adding it to the burning process. I’m not saying that what I did before was wrong, but I’m starting to (A) come out of my shell and (B) figure things out that work for myself. So, while the herb-burning may have helped the EM and The Sister in their spell craft, I don’t know if it really did so much help for me. I suppose it’s possible, but it doesn’t seem like that’s the right way anymore.
The last time, I spread some basic all-purpose (for me) herbs across my full moon workings. I believe I used rosemary and lavender since they’re my favorite. This time, as my entry in my BOS depicts, I chose to work with other herbs: I chose a bay leaf, chamomile, and cinnamon powder to finish off this spell working. So, once everything had burned down, I placed a single bay leaf in the center, followed by strewing it with both cinnamon and chamomile. I liked the look of it sitting in my little cauldron. It had the feel of beauty, perfection, and completion. It felt right, which is fucking fantastic because I’ve been doubting myself all over the place in a lot of different arenas. It’s like a breath of fresh air to not doubt myself in some area!
Afterwards, I went outside and placed the ash and workings at the base of the same tree that I had used the last time. It worked for me then and it feels like it worked yet again. I also find this placing the burned remnants at the base of a tree is in part affiliating this with nature (more so than just the herbals do) as well as making life easier on me: I won’t have to worry so much about the wind picking up the pieces and throwing them back in my face. And if that isn’t a good reason, then I don’t know what is.
All in all, I feel like I accomplished something here. And that’s all that matters.