Does everyone remember this? I’ll give you a moment to refresh your memory.
I mentioned something about not sitting still and not listening in that post. I went on to say that his whispering-whisper was both (A) annoying and (B) meant for something. I was guessing that was what the man was trying to tell me, although I wasn’t really sure about it. Anyway. Comments were left and in response to one, I said, “I appreciate the sentiment he’s showing me by trying to “help” but it’s making me panic. I don’t want to leave the safe path.”
So. Keep that comment in mind while I slightly backtrack.
I have a job that sucks. I really and truly hate my job. It’s not the job that I hate, per se. I’m good at my job (although considering how caustic and sarcastic I am… that’s surprising). I like making sure that people are happy and get what they need. It’s kind of like having a mother-bird complex only times a hundred because I get to make hundreds of people happy throughout the day. Of course, I get the complaints, too, but customer service doesn’t mean that you can please everybody. So. That’s my job. It sucks balls because of the company I work for: it’s a soul-sucking Corporation. Like… if I didn’t know any better, then I would assume that the head of the company had made a pact with the devil to sell the souls of all the morons willing to be a manager for any length of time. Yeah–I’m serious. It’s quite possible he did that.
In the last week, things have really started to blow up. I’ve cried no less than every day that I’ve had to work. I had to work three sixteen-hour shifts in a row. And to top it all off, one of the employees that made it possible for that lovely sixteen-hour shift, called my boss and lied about me. As it stands, it really seems like I might honestly lose my job.
I keep hearkening back to what I had originally read about having Papa Legba enter your life: he likes to cause chaos if you’re not doing what he wants you to do or paying attention. And, the last week, sure as fuck qualifies as “chaotic.” This makes me unhappy and worried and really fucking scared. I don’t know what kind of path he wants me on, but let’s remember the comment I posted: “I appreciate the sentiment he’s showing me by trying to ‘help’ but it’s making me panic. I don’t want to leave the safe path.”
And that’s true: I’m worried that he is doing this and I don’t want to go off the beaten road onto some no-name, back-assward path that makes my life that much harder.
And who is to say that he’ll stop just by fucking around with my job? And how do I know that I’ll end up doing what he wants me to do if he works like this? And what the shit, man? I mean. This is really starting to get to me. I mean. I don’t like not knowing. I like having a plan. I like to know. I like to have foresight and knowledge. I just like having a plan or two stored up, just. in. case.
Right now, I don’t have much of a plan (which could also be the point in all of this shit). I’ve just been kind of drifting along for the last two years. And again, it really isn’t lost on me that because I’ve just been drifting along that this has all started. However, I was comfortable. And yes. I’m aware that it takes something catastrophic or huge to get me off of my drifting ass and making the changes I need to be. However. Losing this job is not an option.
It’s just not.
Hear me Papa Legba?