It’s Official: I’ve Gone Nuts.

After a lot of inner debate, I have finally decided to leave myself open to the lwa. I consider myself a door slowly opening. I’m extremely nervous about this decision, but I know it’s the right thing to do. Just like going down the path of recon was right at the time, so is this. I feel like I’ve learned a lot for my spirituality in just reading the one book about vodou. I think Sekhmet is very pleased with me. I know that she’s thrilled I’ve finally taken an interest in my herbs and crystals again.

She’s hoping that this will mean I’ll start actively practicing magic again.

In reality, I doubt that will happen, but there’s always the possibility! Magic is common in vodou and I know that I will have to work it at some point. (In vodou, they call it “wanga” or “working wanga”.) It’s not so much the magic that’s important, so much as the bartering with the lwa.

And let me tell you: bartering? What a fucking awesome idea.

It probably sounds like I’m being a snot at the moment and whatnot, but that’s what vodouisants do with their lwa. The lwa come down and want attention, which is fine. As long as you approach them with respect, they’ll take an active interest in you. (This respect thing was really a dig at me to mind my tones more often with Sekhmet. As a fiery bitch a lot of the time, this may pose problematic. But, I think I can do this. I think.) After a while, they want more than just the standard offerings. Maybe they want a really nice and expensive bottle of perfume (this is common for Erzilie Freda or La Sirene). But, you know, maybe the money isn’t there to purchase it, right? So, the vodouisant says, “I’d be happy to buy that for you, but you have to get me the money to do so.” And once the magic windfall appears, you had better get your ass to the store and buy that expensive bottle of perfume.

It was remarked upon a lot that one should always honor the promises they make the lwa. Otherwise… think of me using the slashing motion at my neck. I’m not saying death could be what you get for breaking the promise, but the shit would definitely hit the fan.

So, okay. I’m open. I’m not ready, but I’m open.

And I’m really fucking positive that Papa Legba has been poking around in my dream-head. I know a male presence is asking that I grab up a notebook and start a dream journal. I actually meant to buy one the last time I went to Wal-Mart, but I totally spaced on it. Even though I spent, like, a half hour in the aisle for notebooks and pens. The male presence was aggravated that I spaced on the notebook and has become more persistent. I could be wrong about who this he-person/spirit is but I find it a little too coincidental that I have a long-time interest in Papa Legba, start reading actively about vodou and Papa Legba, and then a male presence makes themselves apparent in my life.

So, I guess this means that I’m standing at the crossroads. Ha, ha. That’s a joke… yeah. Most people won’t get the reference. Sigh.

I’m going to wait on making a definitive move in Papa Legba’s direction. I’m going to wait until I know for sure. I don’t want to set up a shrine to a guy who isn’t all that interested in what I have to say, you know. I already have a shrine to a goddess who would probably rather eat my entrails than show back up if I were to offer her something. (Hwt-Hrw is so not talking to me. I don’t blame her, but you know, she’s just not for me.) I’m sad that it came to that, but whatever. So, after having learned my lesson there, I’m not going to go jumping down that path again. So. I’m taking my time. And waiting. And waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I’m open. Or at least, ready to be fully open and ready to start this new path that I’m on.

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