I really need to make a decision about all and sundry.
I’ve been feeling particularly drained and lonely since I wrote this post in late November. I know it’s entirely one-sided. The goddesses have pulled away from me while I think and contemplate the direction that I wish to take. I appreciate that they’re not pressuring me to get into a set routine that I’m uncomfortable with.
However, I know that I need to make a decision. While joy and cheerfulness come from within, it should also come from my faith. And I miss having that faith.
I still haven’t decided what to do about daily offerings, however. I think I need to get back into it because I’ve found myself lapsing even on the days that I am up later in the day. Even though I allowed myself to take one single day off from the daily offerings, I never forgot as often as I have in the last two weeks. This makes me ashamed and saddened. It also goes to show that I am far from ready to have anything like an open statue or any more responsibility. It’s a good thing I don’t have a full-blown kar-shrine or else I’d be fucked.
This time of thought and reflection, however, as made me realize that I need to know my gods much better than I already do.
I know very little about Hwt-Hrw, my newest acquisition. She is simple and kind and lusty and happy. She can be a bitch and she can be stubborn, but I know little else but these basic feelings/glimpses that I get from her. I know little about her myths. I know even less about what specific things I should offer her on a regular basis. She tends to change her mind frequently. One day, she will want chocolate and lotus incense, but the next day, she will demand cold water with a crust of bread. She wants oil, too; of that I am sure. However, I find myself puzzling over what kind I should give her…
I need to become more in tune with this goddess so that I can serve her better.
Through the love I have for my son, I know much but I am still ignorant in many ways.
Of course, the opposite holds true for Sekhmet. I know this woman on a personal level that eludes a lot of people out there with their own gods. I feel her at all times, throughout the day. Even though she has pulled away from me in the recent weeks, I can still feel her nearby. I know what it’s like to be as close to her as possible, but I still need to be closer to her. I need to understand her better. Though, I know what to give her on a daily basis (cold water, bread: the basics suit her with lotus incense in the morning and frankincense in the eve), I should know her better than this.
I should know her as intimately as I know myself. How else will I ever be ready to open her statue?
I need to get back on track.
I need to stop wallowing.
I need to pay homage to my gods.