Since my last post on things, I haven’t really come to any form of conclusion about what spiritual path I am firmly entrenched in. The Sister continuously reminds me that I am too focused on the label of the thing and too focused on the worry behind this recent (furious) inner debate. I haven’t really communed with the gods since this came to me and I have given them an offering all of once while I’ve thought things through.
I’ve been so concerned and internally debating about it that I actually posted a subject about it on The Cauldron. Honestly? It’s my only real place for go-to advice. This is both a boon and a beneficial. On the one hand, I can only get advice from a very select group of pagans since I feel both annoyance and irritation with the other forums/practices that I’ve researched on the Internet. On the other hand, I actually have a place I can go to when I need to ask such questions.
Anyway, so I asked how others perceived the debate I’ve been going through and someone actually posted a very insightful answer. (Others have given their two-cents, which are in direct agreement with her response, but she put it the most eloquently.) I’ve pasted it here as a reminder:
I don’t know about Kemeticism, but over on the Hellenic side of things, most of us recognize that we are not ever going to get it just exactly “right”. We cannot, for a variety of reasons, exactly reproduce the religion of the ancients. Just because a person’s practice does not follow the ancients in every single little detail does not mean that they are an inferior recon. It means that they live here, and now, and that their life is vastly different from that of the ancients. I have heard the analogy that reconstructionism isn’t trying to use the building blocks of ancient religion to rebuild the old temples, but to construct something appropriate to a modern-day life by building on the foundations left to us by the ancients. I’ve always felt that the most sane approach to reconstructionism is to try to practice in the spirit of the ancients’ practice, but to allow for some variation in the specifics, to adapt somewhat to the way my life actually is rather than trying to force it into the mold of (in my case) Athens a couple of millenia ago. And most recons I’ve talked to on the subject seem to agree.
This really kind of resonated something inside of me and it’s gotten me to mulling some things over. Perhaps I should just refer to myself a Kemetic and leave it at that.
The basic problem that I still suffer from, however, is the timing of my offerings. Neither the gods nor myself are particularly pleased with libations and offerings at four-thirty in the morning. I find it a little tiring to have to find appropriate libations so early in the morning and they find it a little asinine that I can only leave it there for a very short period (ten to fifteen minutes). To me, this means that they’re not getting the full effect and to them, it more or less means the same thing.
And since I do this three days a week, I find my other offerings on the days where I’m up later in the day aren’t as consistent. Or, in reverse: I don’t give them offerings on my early morning days, but end up giving them excessive amounts on my later days as though to make up for it. After some other discussions posted on my forum, I find this a little silly because it completely negates the hard work I’m going through in order to prove to Sekhmet that I would be an adequate priestess for an open statue. (No, I’m not explaining this at the moment, but I may later if/when I discuss it again.)
I often wonder if I’m merely going through the motions so that I can prove myself now and get to the end point sooner than needed.
And of course, how do I teach my son about all of this? In reality, I don’t know. I know this path is right, but it’s a matter of the name and the practice and the daily requirements. I know the beginning is supposed to be hard, but should I really have all of these fears so early on?