Many of us use the phrase, “I didn’t choose X deity, S/He chose me.” I would also be willing to bet that some of us were quite surprised that we were chosen at all, and by Whom. So, I am curious – Whom would you have chosen, had you been given a choice?
It’s funny because I thought that I would write about how I had originally chosen Ma’at as my patroness. I had initially wanted the goddess of balance as my primary patroness because of what she represented. She was everything that I thought I needed/wanted to be. She was a lot of things that I needed in my life, if nothing else. I don’t know how to balance for the life of me. Everything in my life is either one awkward tilt or another. So, it was to Ma’at that I had initially dedicated myself to. I did this just before the ex-husband and I moved back to Massachusetts. It was the start of my real pagan life, in effect. And it was to her that I dedicated myself.
(It’s funny, though; in regards to Sekhmet, I have spent my entire life ignoring her. I have always chosen her, in reality, but I have spent so many years tiptoeing around her that I am amazed she has accepted me to this day.)
My problem with dedicating myself to this goddess was that, in my mind, she was more of a concept than an actual goddess. There was statuary for her and I could have built an entire shrine around her. Instead, I found my connection with her tenuous, at best. She was too remote from me. I didn’t realize at the time that I had stepping stones I had to use to get to her; that everything, in reality, had related to her, but I thought it was just simply into her arms that I firmly belonged. I was silly, then.
After all of that, I thought about writing about my affinity for some of the eastern deities: Ganesha, Kali Ma, Shiva, Durga, and Lakshmi. I’ve always had a vague interest in the eastern religions, to be honest, but Hinduism has been fascinating for me since I first read The Last Vampire by Christopher Pike. (The gods are mentioned briefly.) At the start of that, I was like, “OH, WOW. THIS IS SO NEAT. OMG.” I was seven at the time, so it didn’t really strike my head until I was really starting out the whole paganism thing. I mean, at seven, while things are interesting, you pretty much go with the flow. And if the flow isn’t going in a direction, you forget about it.
Until you get old enough to remember.
So, I really thought that I would write about Ganesh and Kali Ma, in specific. Sure, I find the other gods I just mentioned really fascinating, but they don’t hold a candle to me extensive research on either Kali Ma or Ganesh. Ganesha is the Lord of Obstacles, both material and spiritual. By worshiping him, it is commonly believed that he will help in the whole removal of said obstacles. Just before a large spiritual block was moved in my way, I became really intrigued by this man. And it’s only now, two years later, that I fully understand why he was brought to my attention.
Kali Ma… well… There was always something about the gods of destruction that I found entirely intriguing. I guess it goes with my basic belief that I am a destroyer.
However, my interest in the Hindu deities really didn’t hold a candle to the passion I have always had for the ancient Egyptian myths and pantheon. Everything about ancient Egypt and I have read it. I have watched a thousand specials about unwrapping mummies. I have avidly studied the whole monotheistic religion of Ankhenaten until I was blue in the face. I have read historical fiction for ancient Egypt and I have walked amid the sands in many a day dream. I enjoyed Hinduism and I do believe in reincarnation, but that is the only aspect of the religion that I have taken from my study.
Everything else was cut and dried: to ancient Egypt I am bound.
So after thinking that I would write about all of these different deities that have held my attention, instead, I wrote: And I’m going to be a freak here: Sekhmet. She chose me and I chose her. It’s weird, right?
And it’s true. Sure, I ventured outside of the box. Sure, I looked around. However, I have always come back to the basic concept: Sekhmet. She has always been there. I have mentioned this time and time again. She has always just been there and she has always chosen me. I have ignored her for so long and for so much time that it is amazing that she even accepts a damn thing from me. She has always walked beside me; I have always been her child.
It’s taken me a long time to see this. But, it was always Sekhmet for me.