I’m having supreme divination issues and this is really beginning to bother me.
I’ve been having on-going issues for months.
For the longest time, the cards were my first choice. I pulled them out seven times a week or more and I was always looking for answers. It didn’t matter what decks I was using, either. They were just there and everything was pushing into my face and it was like the light bulb was eternally on. Everything in that department was perfect. Then the Fairy Oracle crapped out on me; no more answers, no more anything except a loud “go fuck yourself.”
Okay, not a problem. I have about five decks on hand at any given moment. I collect them, you see. So, I pulled an old deck out and got to cracking. However, the deck wasn’t interested in anything I had to say or wanted to know about. Everything was more esoteric in response and I found it difficult to correlate the meanings to what I was feeling/thinking/seeing in my day-to-day life. I pulled out deck. After deck. After deck. I threw them into the freezer. I slept with them. I yelled at them. I did everything I could to feel a deep connection with them and nothing was happening.
So, the Sister bought me a new deck. I thought, “Go back to simplicity; start all over.” That was the feeling I was getting and it made sense. So, what was the beginning? I should get another Rider-Waite deck and work my way up. However, the cards and I are having some difficulties again. They want a scarf to reside in while they live in my Tarot card box. They want to be near the Lady of Magic, Hwt-Hrw, but in the mean time, they’re doing nothing for me. And this is vastly aggravating.
In reality, I think that the primary problem is the fact that my personal life is encroaching on my spiritual and divinational. It’s blocking a lot, but that’s something else entirely. I don’t want to get into it here (since this is my spiritual blog and not my personal), but there are other issues, as well.
I think a large part of the problem is I don’t have a general spread that I use regularly. I used to use one, but that was years ago. I don’t remember the spread and I hate the Celtic cross spread. (No offense to die hard enthusiasts.) I pull out the cards and I diddle around with them for a while and then wonder what kind of spread I use. I find the Celtic cross one too involved and too long. I pull out three cards and then five and then I’m confused and I can’t figure out where I need to go.
Another problem is the fact that the cards are new: figuring out the meanings by intuition is nearly impossible at the moment. I need to pay close attention to the little book that came with it, but the book is so tiny. And it’s so vague. It’s not helping with the problem, either. It’s driving me up the wall to use this tiny little booklet when a large book is necessary. Not to mention, I have to squint like its nobody’s business when I read the answers.
I think another problem, possibly, is figuring out a way to correlate Tarot card divination with my path. Ancient Egyptians didn’t practice divination in this way. Divination to them was in the stars, in natural portents, and in scrying. I’m not into the whole scrying thing and just looking at my natal chart makes my brain hurt, never mind doing it on my own. Can anyone imagine the ancient Egyptians coming up with Tarot cards on papyrus or in travel-friendly stone slabs? Yeah. So, how do you mix a faith like mine with Tarot cards?
Beats the hell out of me.
But, seriously, how do you unblock yourself from something that was so natural once that it was like breathing?
I guess the real question, is how do you get back to being who you really are?