The other night, I got into an Internet flame war (not kidding) with my Husband’s little brother. This, honestly, is not the first time it has happened. The first time, he was a complete and utter dick about my mother and this second time, I left an innocuous comment on something somebody had posted on his wall and it just went downhill from there. You may be asking what in the world this has to do with my spirituality and my faith. Well…
After the flame war, I felt curiously different. It wasn’t even as though I felt like me. I’ve had moments like this before and I’ll get to that in a minute… The feeling was of being more self-aware, of being on a higher plane almost but stuck on this plane as well. It was like I was straddling an ever-widening crack with one foot on one side and the other on the other, the ever-widening crack between my legs. I could look down and see the darkness forming where my feet had once stood but I could look to either side and see glimmers of the next step. I felt completely as unlike simple me as possible.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I was only partially in control of the comments left. Sure, when I’m facing opposition of some kind, I’m usually cool and laid back. However, towards the end, I get into it. This time, however, I could only giggle at his puny attempts to impugn my honor. I realize that the entire flame war started because I am disgusted by his inability to even remotely follow the Path of Ma’at that all humans should at least follow, but… Hm.
Seriously, I think Sekhmet had more than just a passing reason for instigating this. And I don’t think I’m supposed to know why. Well, I don’t think I’m supposed to know the reason in its entirety. I think a part of it is to remind myself that I am a cast-iron bitch who is emotionally and mentally cool towards most other people. I haven’t been that person… in… well… a really long time. I haven’t been unemotional and cold about a situation in months: It’s always been emotions first and consequences later. So, I think this was a forceful reminder that I can pull back from any situation, see it as clearly as I need to, and move from there.
In other words, Sekhmet was hoping to make another man cry, via me, because that is what I do.
The rest of the reason behind it leaves me baffled. Don’t get me wrong: I have no problem telling the asshat to fuck off on his long road to Major Fuck-Up-Ville. I’ve held my tongue about it for weeks now and so, it felt pretty good to spew it out there for the world to see. However, that wasn’t the whole reason behind it. Little Miss Inscrutable Herself is planning something and I’m not allowed to see that part of it for quite some time.
And the feeling… I miss it. I liked it. I felt omnipotent and omniscient. I felt like I could be anything and everything. I felt like I could do anything and everything. The last time I felt that way was in ritual when Ganesh had taken me over… So, it’s been a while since the last time a deity came on down and inhabited me for a while. I liked it better that the person doing the taking over was someone of massive import to my personal, spiritual, and mental growth as opposed to some god that I invoked just for shits and giggles.
The feeling… I felt like I had thick rings of kohl around my eyes and I could hear the faint tinkle of shimmery gold bangles around my wrists. There was a cobra armband around my left arm and the snake of eternity around my right forearm. I felt immensely perfect in every way.
I feel full of wonder that I could feel such things.