A fast and severe case of disconnect and ennui has engulfed me.
I’ve noticed the gradual pulling back of the gods, like that of a tidal wave. One moment, they were there and speaking and laughing and admonishing me, but in the next, everything had fallen away. It was as though they had never been there. I find myself desperate to hear anything and I’ll even rage at Sekhmet in the hopes that she will respond, but I haven’t heard anything. This is part and partial to the overall destruction of the Hwt-Hrw statue. And while I didn’t think that she was angry with me, now the disconnect has fallen upon me again and I can’t help but think… Okay, maybe I’m doing something wrong somewhere.
I missed two days for my daily, morning ritual last week, but the circumstances in one case was acknowledged as “all right.” I had to be up earlier than usual and I had to race around to get things done. So, it was nothing. However, the second time was entirely my fault. I merely wanted to wallow in my self for the day and I did. I wanted nothing to do with anything that did not entirely revolve around me, me, me and this is what happens?
Should the goddess, Hwt-Hrw, be thrilled that I was taking time out from the world for myself?
I guess not.
I have theories about all of this. I missed the two days, so I am being punished again. I let my son get a hold of Hwt-Hrw’s statue, even though I had the shelves for her shrine coming, and she’s angry with me. Sekhmet is pissed off at me, in general, because I haven’t made one way or another to get her shrine under way. They’re both angry with me because I haven’t exactly been properly respectful towards either of them. Hwt-Hrw is angry with me because I’ve eschewed the marriage bed almost entirely. She’s also angry with me because I haven’t done a thing to see a counselor. Sekhmet is upset that I’m still not following her advice about things.
They’re both pissed off that I don’t meditate anymore.
I do have a life and it’s kind of in the way. When that leaves, I’ll come running the fuck back. How. About. That?