For at least the last week–but probably much longer–Sekhmet has been poking and prodding me in the direction of Hwt-Hrw. Periodically, I’ll hear her say something like, “You should look into Hwt-Hrw. She’s another aspect of myself and it’s time for you to venture outside of your comfort zone.” And I have pretty much told her that I’m not interested. However, in the mean time, I’ve found myself drawn to cows (I don’t know and I don’t understand, either). I’ve looked up menat necklaces numerous times because I always wanted one, but then I realized that it was a symbol of Hwt-Hrw. Various things that I’ve been reading about recently has pretty much all lead in her direction. So, the conversations have continued…
“You should look into her. It would be good for you.”
“I’m not a sexual being, Sekhmet. It wouldn’t work out properly.”
Exaggerated eye roll and sigh of disgust. “Just as I am not always the angry, destroy-humanity deity that people see me as, nor is she a sex fiend.”
“It wouldn’t work out and I’m not interested.”
“You’ll do what’s good for you and this is good for you.”
“Oh, and where am I supposed to put her shrine? Are you willing to share that box of an altar?” I get threatening when I get upset.
“Hell, no. But you better figure it out because you can’t deny it anymore: You’ve been thwapped again.”
And how many deities can honestly admit that they would help with a new thwap? I can safely say that I have never heard a single deity do this before. I’ve heard of them pulling away and ignoring their child so that a new god/dess can take over the tutelage. I’ve heard of that plenty of times, but I don’t think that I have ever heard of a god saying, “You’ve been thwapped. Get over it and start paying attention.”
So, with a heaving sigh, I have to admit that I know nearly nothing about the goddess in question. Sure, I have a passing familiarity with her mythos because, after all, the Destruction of Mankind is about her, to an extent. I know that she is represented as a woman with cow horns with a sun disk between them, as a woman with cow’s ears, and that she is a sexual creature. In personality, I have a sneaking suspicion that Hwt-Hrw is my anti-thesis. I’m so much more alike with Sekhmet than with, gulp, Hwt-Hrw.
You can’t ignore a thwap. I know that.
I have tried for quite some time now.
At first, you know, it was easy to ignore. I could say, “Oh, isn’t that interesting? A menat necklace is the domain of Hwt-Hrw.” And then, I bought an historical fiction novel whose main character went to stay in the temple of Hwt-Hrw. Of course, I said, “Oh, that’s pretty neat.” And I enjoyed the way that the high priestess of the Hwt-Hrw cult was portrayed–elegant and beautiful, kind and loving. And of course, there was the all pervasive, well, Sekhmet and Hwt-Hrw are pretty much the same coin, although one is the tails side and the other is the head side. But, anyway, things kept coming up that were all directly pointed at Hwt-Hrw. And of course, I said, “What a coincidence.”
Now, all I hear is Sekhmet in my brain going, “Why are you being a stubborn little tick?”
Honestly, I know what Hwt-Hrw is coming around for. She wants me to be more comfortable with my sexuality, at least that is a very large part. However, I don’t think that a simple goddess (may she forgive me) can come in and just say, “Poof. You’re better.” And leave it at that. I’m not a sexual being–just as my natal chart! But, that’s a major mission of hers. It’s like a personal fucking affront that I’m not into the whole sex and sensuality and blah, blah, blah.
May I be forgiven for my snark. Mutter-mutter.
Nope. I can’t look into Aset. Nekhbet and Wadjet are out. I can just about forget about Bast–Sekhmet gave me an offended snort when I suggest her in lieu of Hwt-Hrw. Nebt-Het, Neith, and Nut, Tefnut and Tawaret. Nope. No. I have suggested all of these other goddesses in the hopes that Sekhmet would say, “All right. All right. This path is hard for you. We’ll start with stepping stones with this netjeret right here and work our way up to the big guns.” Of course, I should know better by now than to expect Sekhmet to be forgiving in that arena. She is pretty much a “do this because I said so and no back talk” kind of deity.
I’m pretty lucky that she found me and beat the crap out of me to get me to realize what I needed.
I guess I’m off to do some Hwt-Hrw research.