After my ritual didn’t go so well, I was feeling very low about the whole faith thing. Don’t get me wrong, I love the whole idea and everything. I want it to be perfect all of the time and even though that is simply not possible, it would be nice if it was at least decent periodically. Sometimes it feels that nothing has been going right in that entire arena. I don’t blame the netjeru but I blame myself. I know that I screwed up on my Path and I thought that going big, bold, and in-your-face was the way to rectify the situation.
Hoo, boy. Was I wrong!
Everyone told me that I should start off with the small and simple things, then work my way forward. I was told that daily devotions is really the way to go in all of this. I find daily devotions a little frightening to be honest because then I have to be serious. I have to be true to myself and to tell myself that this isn’t a game. This is the true aspect of dedication: doing a daily devotion even if for only a few moments. This is when I pull of my little girl shoes and start wearing some spiky high heels as I continue to walk The Path with righteousness, devotion, and a true heart. This is the time where everything that was once a figment, a general idea in my mind, takes firm root and flowers.
As of Sunday, I started doing a very small daily devotional:
Awake in peace, O Sekhmet, awake in peace.
Awake in peace, O Lady of Life, awake in peace.
Awake in peace, O Great One of Healing, awake in peace.
Awake in peace, O Beautiful Sekhmet, awake in peace.
I very quietly say this in my bedroom, in the direction of my altar. Before yesterday, I had a fake plant (a pretty set of reeds I found) in the designated spot of honor. However, since my statuette of Sekhmet finally came in, I have put that in the center spot. She is flanked by a candle of kyphi that is organically made by locals, a granite pyramid that Anthony had lying around, and my soap dish for incense cones. (I think I may get rid of this since I do not want to offend the Lady of my incense cones are made with animal by-products–the ingredients are not listed on the packages, of course.)
Today, I bought two green onyx offering bowls to add to my daily devotions.
My heart pitter-patters with the excitements of the future, but also in fear that I shall ruin everything. I tread carefully and I will tread lightly. I will take my time and do as I need to so that I am shown as a true servant of the Lady.
I think she is already a little pleased with me. The day after my birthday, my son lost the rose of carnelian that I had bought to wear in honor of my goddess. I looked in all the obvious places where the child would hide such things. On Sunday, a few hours after I had said my first daily devotional to The Great One, my son brought me the carnelian pendant he had lost.